Yellow - in darkness can be found || Minsung fanfic🌻🍋

16

Or was it the way that Felix, if it even was Felix, spoke to me or was it the way he moved.

I decided that I will just text him later and go home for now.

I silently walk my way home to my parents' house. Softly humming the song that Chan and I made together.

Chan is an old friend, we don't talk that much anymore. Actually, the only thing that keeps us really connected is music. We share the same passion, that's why we became such good friends.

Our dreams both have been to publish our own albums so we made an agreement, we would work on it together until we once would have enough self esteem to actually publish our own songs.

I smile to myself as I actually miss my friend, remembering the way his dimples show when he smiles or when he gets shy when someone calls him cute or pretty.

I open the front door of my house while slowly walking in. Time to act again.

I greet my mom who softly hugs me, my dad isn't home yet and will arrive a bit later.

My mom and I have a habit of eating our food in silence, both being introverts even though we don't look like it. Another thing I own from her. Also her personality and anxiety disorder, the only visuals that I really got from my dad are my eyes and lips.

"Thank you for dinner mom." I softly give her a kiss on her cheek to show my appreciation towards her love and cooking.

And before I know it I'm in my bed, falling asleep.

———

⚠️Tw: suicide and self harm

It was a normal day, just like every other one. Everyone in my house pretended to be happy. It's funny, how we all secretly cry ourselves to sleep at night and wake up, acting like nothing happened.

It was late, almost three am, our parents were gone. My brother and I were silently watching a movie while munching on some popcorn.

It would be a good time wouldn't it? Everyone would be distracted. No one to stop me from doing what I want to do.

It's hardly fair, it's hardly ever okay. It's hardly ever okay how much I pretended to be happy.

I walked up the stairs silently thinking of an excuse to tell my brother in the mean time.

My brother sat back relaxed, until he realized for how long I was gone.

Slightly worried he climbed up the stairs, walking towards my old room that is now claimed as an spare room.

He gasped, tears falling down his cheeks, rapidly grabbing his phone to call an ambulance.

My arms full of scars, an empty pill bottle next to my almost-lifeless body. My eyes closed and my skin pale white.

At least that's what he told me. The only thing I remember is waking up in the hospital a couple days later. They told me I had been lucky. Lucky to survive.

But was it also lucky for me? I had failed, failed to finally be able to Rest In Peace.

It was only that day, that they realized how suicidal and depressed I actually felt. They never knew before but nor did they ask. That was all what I was asking, my family to show some care for me.

———

I wake up sweating and slightly panicked. Not again, I hate those dreams. It's weird how sometimes you can have a dream and not be in your own POV or not look the same at all but still recognize yourself and the people around you.

I try to take a couple of breaths, deeply breathing in.

Stop it please.

My palms are sweaty and my hands are shaking.

I look down at my hands, folding them into firm fists to try to stop the shaking.

When I realize that it doesn't work, I close my eyes, slowly moving forward and back while patting my shoulders with my hands crisscross. That's what my therapist told me to do a couple years ago at least.

Trying to concentrate on my breathing softly, "It's okay Jisung, you're fine."

I open my eyes as I realize that I start to hyperventilate, trying to collect my thoughts.

"H-help."

I mumble out, trying not to do anything stupid while I fall onto the ground, my eyes wide in terror and my breathing uneven. My joints feel like they're burning and it hurts.

My bedroom door opens all of a sudden and the light flickers on.

Suddenly a pear of arms fold around me.

———

Okay maybe it is getting slightly better sksks