{Billie Joe Armstrong} - Sex And Drugs And Rock'n'Roll

Chapter 25: Heavy Heart

I opened my eyes and rolled onto my back. September's over. I thought. It's October now.

I rolled back to my left side and stroked Billie's cheek. He groaned and opened his eyes.

"Morning." I said. He stared up and blinked.

"Morning." he replied. He yawned.

"September's over.".

He smiled at me. "And I'm not dead.".

"Of course you're not.". I stroked his cheek again and his eyes were starting to get tears at the brim. Oh, god Billie. Don't make me cry this early in the morning! I thought. "Hey, do you feel any better now?" I asked.

"Yeah." he sighed. Then he rolled onto his back again and covered his face with his hands.

"Are you alright?".

"Yeah.".

I sat up and sighed, knowing that Billie wasn't okay. "Okay. I'm gonna have a shower now." I said. I stood up and opened the curtains, letting a flood of sunlight into the room. I went over to my suitcase and grabbed my clothes, then went into the bathroom.

I couldn't imagine being Billie, although, in some ways, I wished it was me who had cancer.

***

We went out to have pizza for lunch that day. I sat beside the window, a draft of cold air coming from god knows where, eating a piece of pepperoni pizza.

"How are you feeling, Billie?" Mike asked.

"I don't feel too good." Billie replied.

"I'm sorry, man.".

"Not your fault." Billie sighed, looking at the floor.

"Are you going to be up for the show tonight?" Tre asked.

"Yeah. I fucking love doing shows. You know that. It's one of the only things in this world that gives me strength anymore.".

"Just don't overexert yourself tonight." I told Billie.

"Oh, Liz. I won't, don't worry.".

"Okay." I replied. "But really, sometimes I think that you get a little too excited.".

"No, I don't. He does." Billie said, pointing at Tre.

"I do!?" Tre asked.

"Yeah.".

"Oh, come on, now. I've calmed down since we were younger.".

"Well, that's true.".

I laughed. "Alright, well, I just want you to take it kind of easy tonight, Billie." I said.

"I want to enjoy myself. I mean..." Billie started. He stared down at the table and ran his hand through his hair. Then he looked up and let out a sigh.

"Billie?" Mike asked. "You alright?".

"Yeah." Billie sighed. "Yeah.".

"You were going to say something." I told him. "What was it?".

"Well, I... I never know... when my last show is going to be. I might not be around in five months, y'know? So I... I want to give it all I've got... while I... while I still have time.".

"Oh, Billie" I said. I felt tears forming in my eyes. I put my arm around him and gave him a quick squeeze.

He sniffled, and I noticed that he was crying. "You guys, I'm so sorry." he said.