{Billie Joe Armstrong} - Sex And Drugs And Rock'n'Roll

Chapter 53: Fade To Black

I broke down into tears when I found out I had a baby inside of me.

"Are you okay?" Tre asked me from the other side of the bathroom door.

"No!" I cried. Of course I wasn't okay! I wiped my eyes and stepped out of the bathroom. Tre looked at me, a concerned look on his face. "I'm pregnant.".

"Oh, Liz." he whispered. He wrapped his arms around me and I sobbed into his shoulder. He ran his fingers through my hair and held me close.

After a few minutes, I calmed down a little bit. I was still extremely upset, frustrated, and distraught.

"What am I gonna do now?" I asked, wiping my eyes. When Joanna had died, I asked Billie almost the exact same question, but for the opposite reason.

"Well, I know you probably don't wanna keep the baby, so you could have an abortion." Tre replied.

I sighed, thinking about it. Yes, I could have an abortion. 

But truth was, I didn't really want to be alive anymore. I had no reason to live, really. Billie was gone, Mike was ignoring me and I had probably fucked up the wreckage of our "relationship" forever. I was grateful for Tre, but I was just in so much pain mentally, and even he couldn't ease it.

"Y'know what, I'll figure something out." I sighed. But that was a lie.

"Okay. I know you will, you're strong." Tre told me.

I shook my head. "No, I'm not.".

"But you've got through so much.".

"Because of you! You're really the only reason I'm still here. But I just can't stand the pain I feel." I sighed. The pain was becoming unbearable; and I'd lived with it for so long. "I'm ruining myself, and life's got nothing left for me without Billie.".

I could see the sadness and worry in Tre's eyes. "But Liz, you've got yourself.".

"I'm empty. And I've filled the void with self- destruction and terrible choices.". I sighed, once again on the verge of tears. I looked away from Tre. "I'm lost inside myself, and I'm lost in this fucking stupid world without Billie!".

Tre put his arm on my shoulder. "Liz, look at me, hun. You've got this far without Billie.".

"Barely. And I'm a fucking mess. I'm a fucking slut and now I'm pregnant with a baby I don't want and...". I broke down into tears again.

"Oh, Liz." Tre whispered, wrapping his arms around me. I held onto him tight. "You're not a slut, no matter what anyone says.".

"Yes I am. I'm a wothless slut. And I don't want to be here anymore.".

"I'd miss you so much.".

I knew that Tre would miss me if I died. But I missed the way things used to be. I missed Billie. I missed life with him.

Tre brought me over to the couch and we both sat down. I wiped my eyes and didn't look at him. I couldn't anymore. I couldn't look at anyone anymore.

I could feel his eyes on me, but there was nothing left for me to say.

"Liz," Tre finally said after a while."You matter.".

I shook my head, still not looking at him.

"Yes, you do. You matter to me. I love you, you know that. And I know you love me, too. I need you to stick around, sweetie.".

"But without Billie... life is hell. My heart's broken. The only thing that can set me free is the end.".

Tre was silent for a moment; I think he was trying to process what I just said.