{Billie Joe Armstrong} - Sex And Drugs And Rock'n'Roll

Chapter 40: Last Time Seeing Him

I walked down the hallway with Mike and Tre. It smelled like mold and the carpet on the floor was hella ugly.

We walked through the door and I saw the dark brown coffin. I swallowed hard as we walked up to it. My eyes were getting wet.

There he was. Billie. Dead. He wasn't as pale as he should've been, and those amazing green eyes were shut.

A tear rolled down my cheek as I touched his hair.

"I miss you." I said.

"All of us do." Tre said.

I grabbed Billie's hand and gave it a good squeeze, one last time. "Oh, Billie, I'd give anything to have you back. If I could've, I would've spent eternity with you.". I slowly let go of his hand. "Goodbye, Billie. I love you." I told him. I'm still not sure if he heard me or not. I guess I'll never know.

We walked back down the hallway. I wiped my eyes.

"Here, take this." Tre told me, handing me a kleenex.

"Thanks." I replied. I wiped the streams of tears off my cheeks.

In just a few minutes, I was sitting in between Mike and Tre. We were at the very front.

A thin, short, white dude with a beard walked out and talked for a few minutes, then it was time for me to go up and say my speech.

"You'll do fine, Liz. I know you will." Tre said. I gave him a small smile then walked up onto the platform.

I looked at everybody, sitting in front of me, waiting for me to speak. Why did I ever want to do this? I asked myself. Because I love Billie, that's why.

I set my speech down in front of me and spoke into the microphone.

"Fifteen days ago, I lost my world." I said. "It was the saddest day of my life so far. I was in the hospital, sitting beside Billie when he took his last breath.". I wiped my eyes. "I think about him every day, every hour, every minute. I loved him more than he could ever know. The four years that we were married were the four best years of my life.". I wiped my eyes again. I blinked and my eyes drifted over to Brittney. She gave me a dirty look that said 'What the hell are you doing here? You aren't good enough for this world.'. I looked away. "Billie gave my life purpose. He was the best husband ever.". I wiped my eyes again. "Now that he's gone, a big part of me died. The thought that I'll never see his green eyes, or his smile that could've opened the gates of heaven, breaks my heart.". I wiped my eyes again. "I'll never forget how happy he made me. I'm always going to love him, and I'll never love anyone else as much as I loved him.".

I walked off the stage and sat back down between Mike and Tre.

"You did good, Liz." Tre told me. He was crying, too.

"Thanks." I said. I wiped my eyes.

***

I stood in the parking lot of the funeral home with Mike, Tre, Brittney, Sarah, Joey, and Jakob. The hot sun shone down on us.

"Bye, everyone. Thanks for coming." I said.

"Alright, bye Lizzy." Jakob said.

"Bye, Liz. Be nice to yourself." Tre told me.

"I'll try." I said.

"Bye." Mike said.

"Bye, Mike." I replied. I looked at him and Brittney standing together. I thought about last night. Brittney shot me a look like she wanted to kill me, and I said bye to everyone one last time and headed towards my car.

I opened the door, sat down, and put my keys in.

Say hey!

Hear the sound of the falling rain
Coming down like an Armageddon flame
The shame, the ones who died without a name

Holiday was playing on the radio. Fuck. I thought. Hearing Billie's voice on the radio right after his funeral made me almost feel sick. I put my face in my hands and cried.

Hear the dogs howling out of key
To a hymn called "Faith and Misery"
And bleed, the company lost the war today

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday