{Billie Joe Armstrong} - Sex And Drugs And Rock'n'Roll

Chapter 44: Heartache

"You have a visitor." the nurse told me.

I looked up and saw her standing with Tre in the doorway.

"Tre!" I said, so happy to see him.

"Liz!" he said. He came and sat down in a chair beside my bed. "Are you okay?".

"No." I sighed.

"Aww, talk to me".

"I don't want to be alive any more. I miss Billie, and it hurts. It hurts so much.".

"I know. But Liz, I still care about you.".

"I know. But without Billie, life is fucking depressing.".

"I understand. I miss him too. But you still matter, even without him.".

I sigh."Did you hear about what happened with me and Mike?" I ask, changing the subject.

"Oh, he told me everything.".

"What do you mean by everything?" I asked.

"He told me that you've been sleeping together, he told me about how you got mad at him, he told me that he called you three times and you didn't pick up, so he went over to say sorry since he felt so bad." Tre told me, his eyes wet.

"So you know the whole story, hey?".

"Yeah.".

"Did you read the note?".

"No, but Mike told me what it said.". Tre wiped his eyes.

"Why does it make you cry?".

"Because it tells me how awful you must feel.".

"Oh.". I didn't know what to say to that. He was right, though; I did feel awful.

"Do you really want to die, Liz? Things would never get better.".

"But things wouldn't get worse. I wouldn't miss Billie any more, and I know things will never get any better if I stay alive 'cause I'll never see Billie again.".

Tre sighed. "Maybe you should try antidepressants.".

"You think so?".

"Yes," Tre said, nodding his head. "Yes I do. You need some help, and I try and help you, but it's not enough. And you deserve to feel better.".

"You're right. But look, you're helping me right now." I told him. "The fact that you give a fuck about me and that you care enough to come and visit me make me feel a little bit better.".

"Thanks.".

"How are you not super depressed?".

"Well, I've been eating a lot better than I usually do, I've been exercising more than usual, and music has also helped me. But I miss Billie, too. I miss him a lot.". Tre sighed and stared off into the distance, lost in thought.

I sighed and looked down at my arms full of stitched up cuts. "Tre, I don't know if I'll ever feel good again." I sighed.

"You know what, I was talking to Mike on tour again." Tre said. "I think we should.".

"I'd like that.".

"Yeah, me too.".

"When would we do it?".

"Over the summer, maybe start in May or June and go for about three months or so. I think it would be good for our mental health.".

"Yeah, me too. Wait, but who's going to sing?".

"You.".

"Me? But Tre, I don't know if I can. Billie was a million times better than me, and the fanbase absolutely hates me.".