{Billie Joe Armstrong} - Sex And Drugs And Rock'n'Roll

Chapter 51: Wish You Were Here

I laid in bed with Mike, my head on his chest. Both if us were naked, and I was still in a bit of shock that we actually had sex just moments ago.

"Liz, you're not very smart." Mike told me, playing with my hair.

I sighed, annoyed that he said that. "I know. You don't have to tell me all the bad shit about me because I alreay know it." I replied.

"Why did you tell me you love me?".

"Because I do.".

Mike sighed and turned off the lamp, making the room go completely dark. "Your emotions are so out of order.".

"I know! Oh, for fuck's sake, I knew you only wanted to have sex with me to play with my emotions!!" I said, raising my voice. "You just wanted to tease me! You just wanted me to be your sex toy!".

I remembered the way I used to lay in bed with Billie, the way he used to hold me, the way I used to feel so safe with him. "I wish you were Billie." I told Mike, tears forming in my eyes from the memories that now seemed so far away.

"You were fine being a fucking sex slave for him, so why aren't you okay being-" Mike started.

"Is this why you brought me here!? To be your sex slave!" I interrupted.

"No. I just feel bad for you. I know how much Billie meant to you.".

I sighed. "No you don't." I whispered. "No one will ever know.".

We just laid there for a while, me thinking about Billie the whole time. For some crazy reason, I thought that maybe if I wished hard enough, I'd wake up in the morning beside Billie instead of Mike.

That didn't happen. But I did have a dream about Billie.

It was a summer day, back at home in California. I stepped out onto our front porch, and Billie was listening to All The Young Dudes, and the line I first heard was the one about someone kicking it in the head when he was twenty five.

"Oh my god, you're here!" I said.

"Of course I'm here." Billie told me.

I ran into his arms. "I love you.".

"I love you, too, babe. But never try and take your life again!".

"But I can't live without you.". I looked into his green eyes. I could tell that he was mad at me. "If I can't be with you, I can't live.".

"Yes, yes you can! And you have to learn how to!".

"Not if I kill myself. I'm nothing without you, Billie.".

"Don't, Liz. You can live without me. You're fine.".

Fine? I was not fine without him!

"No!" I cried. "Do you know awful I've been without you! I need you, Billie! I fucking need you!".

I was pulled out of my dream. I woke up laying beside Mike, holding onto him.

"Fuck." I muttered. I sat up and let out a sigh. I had woken up from dreams and been sad that it wasn't reality before, but this dream hit hard. It hit really hard. I missed sitting out on the front porch and listening to music with Billie in the heat of the afternoon, or late at night when it was dark.

I put on my dress from the night before and went out into the hallway. I knocked on Tre's door and he let me in.

"Hey, did you have a good sleep?" he asked.

"Yeah." I lied.

"That's good. I kind of missed you last night.".

"Really?".