{Billie Joe Armstrong} - Sex And Drugs And Rock'n'Roll

Chapter 35: Tore a Hole

It was four in the afternoon. I was still at the hospital with Billie, and I wanted to be there when he took his final breath. Mike and Tre had already gone. It had been very hard for them to say their last goodbye ever to Billie.

I was still holding hands with him. He had his eyes closed, but he was still breathing.

"Thanks for everything, Billie." I whispered. "Thank you so much.".

He opened his green eyes and smiled at me. "I tried my best to make you happy, babe, I really did." he replied. A tear rolled down his cheek.

"And thanks for that.". I stroked the side of his face. "You make me happier than ever, and I love you more than you could ever know.". I felt more tears in my eyes.

Billie slowly raised my hand up to his lips and kissed it.

"How much pain are you in?" I asked.

"A lot." Billie sighed. "But it's okay.". He closed his eyes again. I held his hand even tighter and cried, knowing he could go any minute.

He didn't speak for a few minutes, and neither did I. I listened to make sure that he was still breathing, and I watched his heart moniter.

Until he said "Liz, I'm dying.".

My heart skipped a beat. "I love you." I said. "I love you more than ever.".

I leaned in and kissed his cheek, then he turned his head so our lips met for our last kiss ever. I could hear his heart moniter start to beep like crazy.

"I love you, Billie!" I cried, holding onto him tight. I was so scared in that moment. His heart moniter was going bezerk, he was dying, and there wasn't anything I could do about it.

"I'm sorry, Liz. I... I don't wanna... leave you. I... I don't.".

"Billie!" I cried. I was crying so hard and holding onto him so tight. "How am I gonna live without you!? I need you, Billie! I need you!".

"No, babe. You'll be fine... I know it.".

"Please don't leave me, Billie! I love you! I love you so much!".

"I... I love you... too, Liz. I... I fucking love you." he told me. And that was the last thing he said before he flatlined.

"Oh, no!" I cried. I ran my hand laid on his chest and sobbed, running my fingers though his hair. I grabbed his hand and fit my fingers into his.

"Billie!" I sobbed. "No!". I was crying so loud and I knew someone was going to hear me, but I didn't care.

The nurse came in and told me to leave, so I kissed Billie's forehead and left the room. I sat in the hallway and cried for a while, until I was ready to stand up and go out to the parking lot.

When I sat in the car, it felt wrong. Billie should've been with me. He should've popped one of his CDs in, and then we should've drove home and had dinner and later that night, and I should've told him how much I loved him.

But I couldn't.
He was gone now.

***

"Alright. Bye Tre. Take care." I said. I ended the call, and then punched in Mike's number.

Don't let Brittney answer it, Do not let Brittney answer it! I thought, my heart racing from anxiety. No Brittney, No Brittney, she fucking hates me!

"Hello?" Mike answered. Oh good, no Brittney! I thought.

"Hi Mike," I sighed. I bit the inside of my lip hard. "Billie... died.".

Silence. "Mike?" I asked softly.

"Yeah, yeah, I... I heard you. He's gone." Mike replied. His voice was shaky.

"I just thought that I should let you know.".

"Yeah, okay. Thanks.".

"I guess I'll let you go now.".

"Okay. Bye. Try and... try and take care, alright?"

"Okay. Bye, Mike.". I ended the call and went upstairs.

I grabbed one of Billie's favorite leather jacket and smelled it. It smelled like cigarettes, alcohol, and him, giving me pure nostalgia. And it was the bad kind of nostalgia that made you long to have those sweet days back, knowing you never will. "Oh, Billie." I whispered, a tear dripping down my cheek.

***
I hadn't eaten since breakfast, but I wasn't hungry. I just sat on the couch, holding onto Billie's sweater and thinking about him and crying.

I heard the doorbell ring, so I went and answered it.

"Oh, Mike!" I cried, and threw my arms around him. I didn't know why he was at my house, but I was happy he was.

"Hi, Lizzy." he said, squeezing me tight. "I was thinking that, well, you're probably pretty lonely. And sad.".

"Yeah." I sighed. I felt a lump in my throat.

"Would you like me to stay here with you tonight?".

"Um... sure.".

I led Mike to the couch.

"Where are you going to sleep?" I asked. I trusted him for the most part, but I wanted to make sure he had good intentions.

"Ha, I don't know if I'll even sleep tonight. But, I don't know. On the couch, maybe. Or in a spare bedroom".

Okay, I won't lie. I kind of wanted him to sleep in my bed. With me.

"Oh. Okay." I said, disappointed.

"What is it?" Mike asked.

"Oh, nothing. Nothing.".

"Okay. Don't forget, I'm here if you need me.".

"Okay.".