Gang Of Nothing

Chapter Four

Alamort:
half dead of exhaustion

Hemera

"Hola amiga" Zoe says when she comes up hugging me by my locker.

"Hola" I say back.

She looks me up and down. Really stares at the outfit I have on before she looks me in the eyes and points with one finger at me.

"Really? You got new clothes like yesterday and you chooses that" she says.

I look down at my clothes. Jeans I have worn for probably a week and a hoodie I have forget when it was in the washer last. I sniff it, nope not that much sweat yet. But I don't feel like defending myself today, I can't do that today. I just can't.

"It's just a day like this" I answer. 

"Yeah, like yesterday and the day before. And the day before"  Zoe says.

Hedone comes up to us and stare at us after we don't say anything. Zoe gives her a look and after that Hedone looks at me. Of course she also looks like my clothes and just shake her head. But she dose't say anything about it. Thanks finally someone who won't say anything. 

"You aren't going to say something? "Zoe say to Hedone.

"Nope"

"How about you Miss athlete?" Zoe says and turns to Fariha who comes against us. 

She dosen't even give me a look before she opens her mouth.

"Thats no point in trying. We known Flower forever and have far have we come with that"

The three of them laugh at the point that I never tyr to dress up for anything. Or I actually do but no-one notice of them. Well it's just Zoe who docent notice and I don't want to take that fight today. I really don't, I just need something else. I smile with them and pretend that that joke sounds funny. The truth, I'm tried of hearing it. 

"Class starts" Fariha says and they take their stuff from their lookers.

As much I want to miss class right now I can't because then people would know that something is wrong. The wait for me and I nod that they can go ahead of me to the classroom. Wonder who I can sit with today, it's always a surprise. I look both ways in the hallways before I dive into my looker. There it is. I pop the jar open and take one of the pills. Fast I put it in my mouth and take some sip of my water. I exhale and can feel it in my veins. Finally maybe I can survive this day. I take my book and heads to the classroom with a fake smile.

Driving to school was weird and quiet. Griffin didn't say much and left me as fast as the car stood still. Whats up with him? I go straight to my looker and tries to not looking anyone in the eyes. It's just makes things harder and then they might start to whisper. If I am fast through the corridors no-one might notice me. Fast I lock up my looker and trow my stuff in. Then I proceeds to take the rest of the things I need for my lesson. It is when I turn around I see her. She is laughing with the group she is with. The tanned rich girl with blonde hair and divorced parents. Hedone is laughing with people I probably dosen't know or care about. People that never caught my eye before they stod with her. Fariha comes up to them and whisper something in her ear. Hedone looks my way and her laughter dies out. Great, non of my friends like me anymore. Thats the best thing that can happen, right? It hurts, it hurts more than I ever can express and more than I ever can tell. Fariha leaves with Hedone and non of them comes up to me. Fine, I will always be alone. 

"Hello there Ham" Conan says and leans against a locker.

"Don't you start to" 

"Why not, that's the name your brother always says and trust me I've heard it a lot. I didn't know it was you" he says with a smile and it makes me smile even if I don't want to.

He looks at me with concern. Please don't ask, please don't ask. We just become friends, can I call us friends? We nearly know each other. He knows my brother and they are talk at lunch and in the halls. They are friends, so maybe we can be friends someday and I hope we can be friends cause I don't have a lot anymore. 

"Hope I didn't offend you. I can call you something else" Conan starts.

"It's not that. But please don't call me Ham if you don't want me to call you cheese" I say and sees how he now is thinking really hard.

Even if the halls are crowded I can still feel everyones eyes on me. I don't know if it because I'm me or because I'm standing here alone with a boy. It could be both. Cause I mean people often look at two people who are chatting with each other that normal. But I'm the dead girl's friend and you don't run from town if you don't know anything. I know something and I have secrets some are of her. But I didn't kill her and that's the truth, no-one is going to believe me now anyway. Maybe I need to be someone else. I turn my head back to Conan and he looks at me with a smile. Crap, what name have he come up with?

"Sister?" he ask.

"Im not a nun" I tell him.

I roll my eyes. Private school is not that private and I don't really know if public school are worst. They actually party more there and they are a bunch of snobs. And none of them can keep it in their pants. I really mean it, it's like their life depends on if they can hook up with someone. Don't tell my parents about the partys, because I should not be on any of them. 

"Good to know. How about.." Conan starts.

Before he can continue someone bumps into me and makes me drops all of my stuff. My Spanish  book, notebook and my computer. Why do they hate me so much. It's not my fault I'm alive, be angry at my parents. 

"Murderer" I hear someone whisper.

I don't look up from the floor as I collect my stuff. The shoes walk past and there are more than one pair of them. People can't say things to me if they don't have support. Im not surprised, cause I excepted the treats from some people. But I don't want to see their faces, cause that will paint a picture of who I think they are and not of who they are. So I watch as the walk past and then stand up with my things in my arms. Conan looks at me concerned again.

"Are you okay?" 

"No" I say with a fake smile. 

"But's that's okay" I continue. 

The anxiety in his eyes dose't disappear fast but slowly they are back to normal. And in a lame try he smiles at me. The strange thing about it, I actually fall for it. Wow, my problems just vanish. No, I'm kidding. But it dosen't seems that bad anymore, just a bit better. He can become a great friend to me, if I let him close. 

"What class dose we have now?" I ask him so he dosen't think about what happened.

He laugh a bit at what I said.

"You are literally holding your Spanish book. And you ask me what we have. Well maybe you are the not so smart sibling "

"Hey. I am the smart sibling, so don't compare me with my brother" I say and hit him lightly on the arm. 

"If you say so" he says and put his hands up in the air.

We continue to laugh to the classroom and I trie to forget the reality for awhile. I know my old friends will be in the same room as me, cause we all chose Spanish expect for Fariha. But clearly Hedone wants nothing to do with me and right now I'm fine with that. Old friends means old problems and I have Conan right now so I should be fine. At least for now, I need to start go forward with my plan. I can't keep ignore my past.