Gang Of Nothing

Chapter Thirteen

Lethologica:
when you think of something but the word for it
escapes you

Hemera 

Redecorating a room takes time, especially when you don't want it to be like the old you, the one you was before you changed and that is a problem for me. I changed and I want things to be like before. But things can never be like before and that's a bit depressing. Any-who I need a fresh start of my life. Even if I can't get it in school, I can at least try to have some comfort in my own room and that's mean getting rid of things that aren't me anymore. First I pick up all the trash of papers and other things and trow them in the bin. Then I hand up a big piece of curtains over the wall on the both sides of my bed. If you pull the curtains that are nearest my door, you will see my board. I open my drawer besides my bed and pick up the photo of the four of us. The picture I put in the middle of the board and then pulls the curtains over it. I can't let anyone see it yet, I need to know more before I say it to anyone. Well back to cleaning out this shit hole. 

Clothes are heavier than you can think sometimes, especially when it is a pile of not folded clothes. I throw the pile at my bed and half of the pile goes down at the floor. Fantastic, just fantastic. I bend down to the floor and stretch my arm under my bed to reach something that falled under it. My fingertips touch something cold in paper and I imminently freezes to ice where I am. Slowly I push the shoebox out from the darkness and I stare at pink box labeled pictures on the lid. I sit down at the floor with my back agains my bed and open the box. My hands are shaking and the air in the room are starting to feel a little bit thin. Maybe I should open a window and close the door. My heart are pounding fast. I need to, I need to stand up and close the door. But my body won't command me. I really need to close the door. 

"Teacup" a familiar voice says.

I can't picture who it is, every sound is too loud and I really need to close the door so nobody sees me like this. Im not a porslins doll, I'm not fragile and I really don't need people see me like that if I'm like that. The door opens a bit more and a boy with blonde hair pops his head in. He looks at me with concern.

"Close the door" I whisper because more I can't do.

And he does what he is told. But he also steps into the room before closing the door. He rushes to me and sits down besides me. He takes my shaking hands and puts them in his. The world is a bit blurred right know and some tears are burning on my cheeks. 

"Hey, hey look at me. Look at my eyes" the boy says calming.

I have to blink a few times to being able to look into his eyes. But it's hard. It's hurt in my chest and it feels like my heart is about to explode inside of me. 

"Breath with me. Focus on your breathing" 

And that is what I try to do. I look into his blue green eyes and trying to mimic his breathing. In and out. In and out. Conan has patience with me and don't stop looking at me or stop exaggerate his own breathing. He is very serious about this, without looking worried or panicked and that makes it easier. When he hears that my breathing is back to normal he gives me a smile. 

"I'm not leaving" he tells me and I think I can believe him.

Because of those few words everything just blurts out and I can't control what I'm saying. 

"I just picked out the box and this happened. There are pictures of us, me, Hedone, Fariha and Zoe in the box. From a few weeks before it happened until the day before. I need them, I need to look at them and I need to know what happened"

Conan takes up the pink shoe box from the floor and looks at it. Other people would have seemed scared about the pictures, cause everyone thinks I'm the one killing her and this would give me away. Instead Conan look calm and for him it just some pictures of old friends. I look down at the floor, cause I don't know how people react no more. 

"I- I didn't ki- ll Zoe" I stutter. 

That is the first time I said it out loud in that way without shouting it in someones face. Conan pulls the sleeves of his shirt over his hand and then proceeds to wipe away the remaning tears from my cheeks. And that makes me look up at him. I didn't know if I should be surprising that he is smiling at me or not. But he does it anyways.

"I never thought you did"

He pulls me closer to him and I lay my head on his shoulder like in the car, but this time im awake and the wraps one arm around me. This is nice. This is very calming and in this moment I hope it never ends. Conan takes a breath and I look up to him. 

"So I heard the two of you got grounded"

"Yeah, they got home before we got here and wondered why we left the house. They got angry at me for it, but the is okay. It's nothing new" I say and realize I have said too much.

Why can't I never learn to shut up? Maybe he didn't think much of it. Nope, he looks down at me concerned. How I'm I suposed to save myself from this.

"I'm the black sheep in the family" I continue. 

"Because of Zoe?" he asks.

"Partly" I answer.

Phew. I think it worked, I didn't lie, did tell a part of the truth, but not all of it. Yes because of whatever happened to Zoe they see me with other eyes nowadays. But that mostly because of the reason me and dad moved. They might not say it out loud, but they think I have something to do with Zoe's murder. But in the same time no-one have official said that it is about a murder. 
Out of the blue Conan stands up and offer me his hand. I look at it confused and he just smiles at me. That makes me smile and I take his hand.

"Well I think you need a Watson to your Sherlock Holmes for this mystery" Conan says and pulls me up from the floor. 

While still holding his warm hand I'm weighting my options on what to do next. So I just continue to smile and pulls him into a tight hug. First Conan don't know how to react, but after a second or two he wraps his arms around my waist. Yeah, I know it's surprising even for me that I hug him, but I needed to change alright and he might be able to help me.

"I will always need a Watson" I say and pull away embarrassed because I hugged him.

Perhaps it's not just me, but it got really warm in here and I'm sure my cheeks are turning red now so I turn my eyes down so I don't need to know if he is looking at me or not.

"So where do we start?" Conan ask to clear the air between us. 

I look up and goes to the wall with the curtains and pull it slowly away. I hear Conan takes a big breath and takes a few steps so he stands besides me. He look over the board, on the pictures, names, addresses and documents all connected to each other with red thread. 

"Good for you, Sherlock have already started the investigation" I say answering his question.

"Impressive, so where do we start with this?"

"Well we need to fill the board with everything we might think is connected to Zoe and her death. After that we take things away that are not important and then we look other things up" 

On that signal my phone buzzes and I pick it up from the floor. I see that it is a new massage from unknown number. Without thinking more of it I open it and see that it is just one picture. My heart stops for a second, it's off me and Conan hugging just a few minutes before through my window. I look up from my phone and look at my window. How the hell did they do that. My phone buzzes again and I look down at it. I am watching you. It reads and my heart sink to my stomach. Not again, please not again. 

"Is something wrong?" Conan says, comes up to me and look over my shoulder down at my phone.

I don't turn it off because this is about him now too. But why the hell is he involved now. 

"Who the fu-"