Written in the Stars *EDITING*

Chapter 31: In a Field

Trigger Warning: mentions of suicide and death. Please be careful when reading and know you are so worthy and loved. My inbox is open if you want to talk. This is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255. Don't be afraid to reach out to others for help. 

When Nathan had picked her up that Monday morning, a few days after he had met her cousins, he asked if she would be free so they could talk. It was a teacher workday and as a result, there was no school to attend. Knowing she had no plans, Mia asked him to wait in the living room while she changed out of her pajamas. At first, she had assumed they would talk in her house, but he told her he had planned something and would rather talk outside. So they drove for a few minutes until they came across a playground and a wide, green field.

Nathan laid down the checkered blanket he had brought and the basket of food. Mia was curious about what he wanted to talk about, but since he hadn't started the conversation, she instead commented on how beautiful the view was. In front of them was a clear blue lake, swans gracefully swimming in it. He handed her a sandwich and strawberry lemonade as they ate in silence, enjoying the warm hug of the sun's rays and the peaceful sounds of the lake.

It was only after they had finished eating that Nathan spoke. "I hope you liked the food," he noted, playing with the short strands of grass.

Mia turned to face him completely, noticing how nervous he seemed. "It was great, thank you."

Nathan sighed, trying to figure out the best way to start the conversation. "The reason I brought you here is because I wanted to tell you something."

Reaching a hand to place over his, she squeezed his hand. "You don't have to tell me anything if you're not ready."

Smiling down at the charm bracelet, he gave her hand a squeeze back. "No, I want to." He straightened up and cleared his throat. "Do you remember when you asked me why I was so angry my first day at Redwood?"

Mia nodded. "I said you looked like the universe had taken away something you loved."

"You were right," he sighed. "I had a best friend. Her name was Leah. We met in elementary school and were inseparable. If I wasn't hanging out with Evan, I was hanging out with Leah. We would play video games, go explore the town, anything that seemed fun we would do. We loved the skate park, it was our favorite pastime," he smiled at the memory. "But school wasn't fun. I attended Grandview before I attended Redwood and let me tell you, the people I knew were assholes. They were so rude to Leah because I think to them, she was an easy target. The kids in our grade would constantly bully her. Calling her ugly. Telling her she was a loser. Telling her she was a waste of space."

Nathan clenched his fist remembering how hateful his classmates were, his jaw locking in anger. "I tried to stand up for her as best as I could. I didn't look how I did now, I was lean. But I started going to the gym for her. After years of Evan trying to convince me to work out at Park Gym with him, I decided it was time to start. It didn't matter though. They would comment on her pictures and message her so much hate she eventually deleted her account. I tried to tell her how much she meant to me, to her family. She would smile back and thank me but sometimes I worried it wasn't enough. It was like they had decided it was just a fun game and whoever was the meanest to her would be the most popular. It got to the point where she started to withdraw from me, wanting to play video games or hang out less. I would still try to go over to her house almost every day after school, letting her know I was there for her. I would constantly invite her to the skate park, hoping I could make her happy, even for just a second."

Nathan's brown eyes clouded with tears as he continued. "Then one day at the start of sophomore year, Jacob Mill asked her out on a date. I begged her not to go. Jacob was one of the people who had been relentlessly bullying her. She saw the good in people, even when they hadn't shown her any. So she went. It was all a big joke to Jacob and his friends. They teased her, asking her why they thought he would go on a date with her. I tried my best to comfort her but she wouldn't stop crying. She skipped a few days of school, which wasn't like her. She had always shown up to school, it was her way of showing them they wouldn't get to her. Then one night after finishing my math homework, I got a call from her Mom." Now the tears were flowing down Nathan's cheeks, a rasp to his voice as he talked through his cries. Mia moved closer to him, wrapping both hands around his.

"Leah was in the hospital. The doctors were trying everything they could but it wasn't going to be enough. She arrived too late. In that hospital room, I took one look at my best friend, who used to be so cheery, so full of life. Her blonde hair used to shine brighter than the sun. She looked lifeless. I broke down. That was the last day of her life. At school, they were so fake and mournful. The very same people who had broken her down were acting like they were so sad, stupid fucking acts so they could get sympathy. I saw Jacob laugh with his friends at the sight of Leah's locker, decorated with flowers and heartfelt messages. I lost it. I started punching him over and over again. Slamming his head into the ground didn't even help my anger, it only fueled it. It took his friends and a few teachers to pull me off. Mom and the principal decided a suspension wasn't enough. Instead, I was to transfer to Redwood. I don't regret it one bit," he wiped the tears with the back of his sleeve but it didn't matter. They were still falling. "I threw myself into the gym at that point. I took up boxing, which Evan had been begging me to do for a while. God, I was so angry that one day I started pummeling Evan so hard in the ring. He just let me do it, not bothering to dodge my punches. His brothers pulled me off and started to yell at me but Evan didn't care, even though his face was profusely bleeding. I apologized so much to him that after a few months he told me to shut up before he did something that would actually make me sorry." Nathan laughed at the memory, grateful for Evan's friendship.

"When I transferred to Redwood I started my fixing business for Leah. I threw myself into my work and the gym to avoid thinking about Leah. I think, in a way, I also did it to prevent what happened from happening again. It's stupid but I rationalized that if I help our classmates with their problems then maybe they'll realize it's not as big a problem as they thought and that their life isn't over. Maybe they would realize they have someone they can turn to. I'm sorry for how I behaved when you came to me asking for help."

"Don't be. I know it was a ridiculous request," she softly replied.

"It's not that. When you came to me I remember feeling irrationally mad. I thought, what problems can Mia Wilson fucking have? You were always smiling and your life seemed so perfect. I was so wrong. I'm sorry I assumed."

Mia shook her head. "It was before you knew me. I don't care. I'm so sorry that Leah had to deal with those disgusting words. I'm sorry you lost a friend."

"That day in the cafeteria when Susan was bullying you, it was like something in me snapped. I couldn't help but say we were dating. Best decision of my life," he whispered. "It reminded me so much of what Leah had been going through. I still blame myself-"

"Don't. You tried your best and-"

"But it wasn't enough. I just...I just wish I could have shown her how much her life meant. How amazing and bright she was. I wish Leah was still alive," he sobbed. Mia wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight as he cried. The two hugged in the lush green field, their barriers finally dismantled brick by brick until all that was left was each other.