Emma and Will pregnancy

6 months without you

Today marks 6 months since we lose William. It's been the most hardest six months ever for me and Emma but we've both been strong together. Yeah we're still struggling but we've had each other to help each other and everyone's been so supportive and helpful. Me and Emma decided we're gonna release blue balloons in the garden this afternoon, take some flowers to his grave then me, Emma, Brooke and Jake are gonna have dinner together. Mia is being looked after by my mom tonight she's gonna have her for a few days. Emma's been up all morning I know she's trying to take her mind of today.

Morning Em, how you doing. Good morning yeah am fine I was going to go pick up the balloons for William and pick some flowers from the flower shop. Do you want me to come with you. Yeah I can if you want to. I grab my phone and wallet heading out the to the balloons shop.

In the car: i though I'd pick up some beers and wine for Brooke's tonight. Yeah that's will be nice. So how many balloons we gonna get. I thought about getting Six balloons as it's been Six months, am gonna get blue ones Three light blue and Three dark blue ones. Yeah that's sounds nice, the flower shop near ours does blue flowers if you want to get them ones. Yeah I saw them was gonna get them for his grave.

We go to the balloons shop and ask for Six blue balloons then we head to Starbucks before we go to target. We arrive at target we need to do a bit of a grocery shop, Emma grabs a trolly we head in. We get all our foods and grab some non alcoholic beer and some white wine for tonight then go to the flower shop. Emma goes in a getting two sets of flowers one blue and one white.

There really nice for his grave Em, I know well the colours of his grave is blue and white so I thought they would go. What time shall we go to his grave at. I thought we could go on the way to Brooke she said we could come around 3 and it's nearly 1 now. Yeah sounds good to me. We get home and sort the shopping out but I sit Emma down.

Em sit down for a minute. Is everything ok Will. Yeah everything fine I just want to speak to you and ask how you are. You've just been acting weird today I mean I know today is 6 months since William but you've acting so busy that you don't seem yourself. I will admit I want to break down in tears but I need to be strong for you. Oh Em come here, just cry it's fine just break down am not going to mind am the exact same I want to break down but silly what to stay strong for you. I just I just want our boy back, I want to go back to when we found if we were pregnant with him, I mean it was my job to take care of him inside me and I fail to do that. I just hate that I didn't protect him. Emma look at me, don't you dare blame yourself for Williams death that was not your fault at all. You did not cause his death, you looked after him so good when he was growing inside you, you protected him so much. Theses things happen, it happens to everyone so don't you dare be blaming yourself for his death because it wasn't you fault. Am sorry Will, I know I shouldn't blame myself but I will always. Listen Emma you have nothing to be sorry about. I love you Emma. And I love you.

After our sit down we decided to head to the William grave, I can see Emma has tears falling down her face so I grab her hand to comfort her. We arrive heading to his grave, we did up his grave last month just sorted it out because we had a horrible wind storm and his grave went all dirty and messy.

Am so glad his grave doesn't looks messy anymore. Yeah I am too, we did a good job sorting it out, I was thinking of getting a little Christmas tree for its and I've seen this personalised burble am gonna get for him and our tree. That's sounds nice, now where shall we put his flowers. Let's do some in the vase and the rest on this headstone. Yeah that sounds good.

I miss you son, I miss you more then anything. I know your watching down on us I can feel it, when am asleep and awake. Thank you for making me a dad again even if I only got to hold you for a few day it was still amazing known that I have you as my son. Am so proud of you Will, your amazing you know that amazing. Come here thank you for being here. Oh Emma am so proud of you, I love you so much. (Emma and Will share a kiss). Right William I'll come and see you next week, I love you so much son thank you for making my a mummy again. (Emma and Will kiss his headstone).

They head to Brooke and Jake, on the drive they both talk about William they share some tears. As they arrive Will tells Emma how proud he is of her and they go in the house.

Hey guys how are you both, come on in. Hey yeah we're ok it's been a tough day but yeah we're getting there. Thank you again for inviting us round. Aww your both welcome, well I thought we could order Chinese and do the balloon release in the back too. That's sounds so nice, thank you for all this. You don't need to thank us, we know today is hard because it's been Six months I still can't believe it's been that long, but we want to comfort you both tonight so we thought we would invite you round for the night. Well thank you, we brought wine and beers too. Jake will be down in a minute he's just finishing getting dressed.

Hey guys am here, how you both doing. Oh hey Jake, erm yeah we're alright. So shall we order the Chinese. Yeah sure, Em what do you want. I'll share some of yours Will, so rice, sweet and sour, noodles, wootoons and chips. Jake do you wanna phone. Yeah sure be back in a minute. Right let's get some drinks, Emma do you want a glass of wine. Yeah please could do with one please. Will you wanting a beer. Yeah I brought some non alcoholic beers because am driving. Oh no it's fine you can both sleep over if you want. Oh no it's fine we don't want to intrude on your both. Well if your sure then.

Right that's the Chinese all order should be here in half an hour. Thanks Jake, here's some money for it. Oh thanks bro you didn't have to. I know but I wanted to. Now you two I have a big question for you both, we're three months into the new year and you still haven't announced that am gonna be an auntie. Haha what you like Emma, well we actually have a doctors appointment on Monday because we've been trying for 3 months and still nothing so we decided to go doctors about it. Aww no well hopefully the doctor will tell you why and hopefully you'll get pregnant soon. Yeah I hope so.

After we eat we decided to set the balloons off. It's still light outside. We all grab two balloons each and get ready to let them go. One two three. (Will grabs Emma in for a hug). Aww they all looks like nice going up to him. Guys me and Jake are so probably of how you've both become. We know it's been tough for you both put you've both got one with it. Thank you so much guys we love you both.

Back in the house: Listen why don't we all go New York for the night in a couple of weeks. Omg yes I love New York, Will can we. Yeah that's sounds good to me. Well I thought it would be nice to get away for a few nights we all need a change of scenery and we all love New York. Let's book it now. I thought we could go round the shops, do a bit of see sightings and have a few cocktails too. That sounds like the perfect time ever. Well let's get it booked.

A couple hours later: It's around Eleven thirty I can feel my eyes feel tired, Brooke fell asleep on Jake an hour ago watching the film. Jake is it ok if we go Emma is really tired. Yeah of course man, I was gonna take Brooke up to bed.

Well thank you again for tonight it's both cheered up up just what we needed. No need to thank us, we just want to comfort you both and we have so am happy. Thanks bro, you've been my rock though this.

We arrive back home, we both get into our pjs and cuddle up in bed. Thank you for being my rock today Will, I don't think I would of get though today without you so thank you. Em you don't need to thank me that's my job to look after you. Am so proud of you and I love you. I love you too. Emma falls asleep on Wills chest