Emma and Will pregnancy

It's been 1 year without you

Today is September 30th it's been a whole year since we lost William it's been a whole year. Every since that day mine and Wills lives have changed. We're still grieving, we visit his grave everyday. We even did his grave as a sandpit so when she comes and visit him she can play in the sandpit like she's playing with him. We did his grave up a couple of month ago, we got a bench put there so when we go we can sit and talk to him. We've got a lovely day planned, we're decided to have a picnic at his grave, all of us then after we're all gonna let a blue balloon off into the sky then go for a family meal in town. We thought as it's his anniversary we know William wouldn't want us to mourn all day he'd want us to be happy so that's what we're going to do.

I wake up to the bed empty, I get up out of bed putting my pants on before going downstairs. Mia's still asleep it's on 8:30 she sleeps in late now, it's only a couple of weeks till her second birthday it's gone so fast. I get into the kitchen but Emmas not there, I notice the back door open a tad. Outside I go and notice Emma sat at William tree we planted for him. Morning babe, you alright it's a bit chilly out her. Good morning, yeah am fine just having my morning chat with William. How did you sleep. Yeah not to bad, you babe. How you doing this morning. Yeah am not bad, had a cry before but am ok I don't want to be sad because I know William wouldn't want that. Yeah am the same I know William wouldn't of want us both to be sad today he'd want us to be happy. Come on why don't we go back inside I'll cook us some pancakes and juice before little miss wakes up. That sounds perfect.

In the kitchen: So what pancakes would you like this morning. Ooo could I have blueberry and strawberry pancakes with some raspberry's on the side babe. Coming right up, I'll put friends on for you could you do the orange for me babe. Yeah sure. So what's the plan for today. Well I thought we could go get him some flowers from the flowers shop then put them on his grave, then the tables booked for one thirty though after the meal we'd all come back here and set the balloons off in the garden. That sounds like the perfect day for our little boy.

We enjoy are pancakes then have a little cuddle then Mia wakes up it's so cute and funny every morning when she wakes up she shouts 'Dadda'. Sounds like miss is up, I'll go get her. It's no fair she always says Dadda hardy every Momma. Aww babe don't worry she loves you lots. Well good morning princess, did you sleep well. Dadda hellow. Hello princess, are you ok shall we go see momma. Yes.

Momma hellow. Morning my gorgeous girl, and hello to you too. It's adorable her hellow. Aww isn't it just, the nursery said that she says it all the time when parents come and go. Aww bless her, I can't believe she's gonna be 2 so soon. I know it's mad, now shall we got you some breakfast then shall we go see Brother William and you can give him your presents you got him. Milk yes. Let's get you some milk then princess, your getting so good with your words at the minute. Isn't she, she's learning so many. Right babe am gonna go up and get ready can you make some breakfast for Mia. Sure babe, let's put peppa pig on for you.

I have a nice hot shower then decided what am gonna wear for today. Am wearing my light blue blouse with my blue jeans and shoes for the day are my white converses, I decided to have my hair down with straight and a few curls at the bottom. After am ready I go into Mia room give it a quick tidy around then choose her outfit for today. I pick out a summer blue dress as it's a warm day today, with her cute white socks and this bowl that matches the dress and there waking white converses to match momma. Ah here you both are, did you enjoy your breakfast baby girl. Oh yes she did got it all round her little face. You love your food princess, shall we get you ready for the day. Am just gonna jump in the shower if that's ok babe. Yeah that's fine, come on princess let's change the dipper and get you ready for the day. We're all ready for the day Will wears his jean shorts, his navy blue shirt with the initials WTBD that he got printed for William and his Nike trainers. Right babe you ready to leave. Yep we got everything. Yes, got Mia's dipper bag and a few toys for the restaurant were good to go. Let's go my girls.

On the way to his garden we stop off at target and left Mia get a present for William for her to put on his grave I let her pick a little something too. We head off to the garden we get there placing his flowers on his flower pot, take the leaves off his grave giving it a bit of a clean down then me and Will sit and watch Mia play in the sandpit there.

We've made it really beautiful for him haven't we. Yeah we have babe, in summer we can do more to it for him. Yeah I was thinking about painting the stones around his grave then doing a bit of a garden but so we can plant flowers for summer for him. Yeah that sounds really nice blue and white ones. Yeah there his kind of flowers

We spend about an hour at hi garden then we head to the restaurant. On the way me and Will discuss our future we like to talk about it now and again. We arrive at the restaurant greeted by Brooke and Jake.

Hey guys how you both doing. Hi there, yeah we're doing good. We don't wanna be sad today because we know William wouldn't want us to be so we're gonna try and keep happy. Aww yeah guys, and how is my little niece doing today. Auntie Brooke that Uncle Jake. That's right sweetie, and who's this in Auntie Brooke belly. That baby in Aunties tummy mommy. That's right baby girl, are you gonna have a cousin soon. How you feeling pregnancy Brooke. Erm yeah am over it now just get this child out of me. Haha that's how I felt carrying her but it's the best feeling ever in the end when you have your baby in your arms. Not long to go now tho. Oh yes only 2 weeks to go, am so excited to find out what we're having. Aww I know I can't believe you guys didn't find out. Well I did but Brooke didn't and I thought as Brooke is carrying my kid it can be her choice but for our second we're definitely finding out, I wouldn't mind a boy but am happy with what ever as long as it's happy and healthy.

We get into the restaurant seated down joined by Emma's mum and mine. Well this is nice, all of us together celebrating William special day. Yeh it is, how you doing both of you today. Yeah not so bad I mean it's been hard today but we have to be happy for William.

We spend the next couple of hour just chatting away talking about what life would of been like if William was here. Mia ends up falling asleep on Brooke lap. Will's mum took Mia back to hers for a sleepover to give me and Will some time to ourselves for the night just so are emotions don't show on Mia. We finish up the night with Brooke and Jake as Brooke starts to get tired.

Well guess it has been lovely, William would of been proud of both you. Aww Brooke thank you, also thank you for coming and thank you for placing the flowers on his grey this morning. Aww your welcome, i though I'd get his favourite blue and white. I placed them in the flowers pot there. Aww lovely, we still on for next week. Yeah we are. Why where you doing going next week. We're going get some cute more clothes for baby, then clothes for Brooke when she can fit in them and the going to the curry house for a spicy curry. Brooke babe I've told you just wait till him or her is ready. Jake I can't wait another second I need this baby out now before it kills me. Honestly what are women like Will. Haha I really Emma pregnant with Mia god you were the worst towards the end. Erm do you want to sleep in the bed tonight or on the floor. Am only saying. Right we better get going, I need sleep. Haha text me, see you both.

Me and Will both decided to drive our spot. We just sit on the rocks laying under the stars. You doing ok babe. I know today it's been really hard on us both but I wanna let you know am so proud of you. Am doing ok, yeah I do feel like breaking down into tears but knowing that I've had you all day with me I don't feel like. Babe am always gonna be here for you don't worry your making William so proud you know that. And you are too don't forget that, William would be so proud of how far his daddy has come.

We spend the next two hours just cuddling under the stars before heading home. We arrive home and just fall asleep watching friends