Tommyinnit // [ MCYT ] Angst Oneshots

jealous [1]

/ TW: Mentions of Abuse, Self-Harm, Eating Disorder, Vomiting (not on purpose), Ringing, Hospitals, Blood /

/ Tommys POV /

22:43 (10:43 pm). The clock taunted me in my lack of sleep. It was starting to show. Eye bags appeared under my eyes. I felt sick, sick with betrayal, anger, sadness... Maybe even guilt. I lay in my bed, helpless. My whole body ached. My parents had hit me, but I was in so much shock from what I'd finally noticed that the pain didn't really affect me until now. The second reason was that I hadn't been eating, but I didn't have any appetite.

I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

My best friend, Tubbo, was never really my best friend?

Im...

Confused.

"Listen to me, Tommy. You're getting to be really annoying and I just feel like Ranboo is a better fit. Even our names sound better together! You need to understand, Tommy. I don't want to be friends anymore."

Why?

Why why why why why?

Why is Ranboo better? Why is he better than me? Was I not good enough? What did I do wrong? Did I upset him? Was I too harsh? If I was, why didn't he tell me? Am I not good enough? I tried my best...

But sometimes best isn't enough.

My parents want more... Tubbo wants more... Im just not good enough.

I could feel the sadness creep up further into my body leading my stomach to feel like an empty pit. It hurts to feel empty. I wanted to hurt myself. I wanted to grab the pair of scissors and slice it into my skin until I feel something other than this terrible pain of emptiness.

I slowly trembled out of bed and walked over to the dresser and opened one of the drawers. I grabbed the scissors and held them over my malnourished skin. I stood still for a moment, not pressing down. My eyes drifted to the cuts I'd done months ago, but still hadn't fully healed. I looked at the cuts I'd done just a few days ago, but they looked like they'd done no progress at healing at all. I suddenly felt a heavy urge to throw up.

I tumbled over to the bin vomiting body fluids and some blood. A lot of blood. My throat burned, but I lent backwards, trembling a little more. Then, my hearing suddenly faded, the sounds were muffled. After a second my ears were filled with a high pitched ringing that only got louder. I covered my ears but after a few seconds, it faded. And I could hear again.

The room started to spin. I shut my eyes to try and stop it, but that only made it worse and it still felt like I was spinning even though I could only see a pinch of light.

I thought I heard someone call my name, but that was impossible because my parents said they would be out at the pub drinking and whenever that happens they're out for a while, sometimes even two days. How many days had it been again?

The voice sounded a bit muffled, but it also sounded like they were shouting. And I knew my ears weren't muffled anymore because I could hear the sounds of the night more clearly.

I opened my eyes a little bit and realized the light was from my computer, was it on this whole time? I couldn't see what was on the screen all that clearly, but it sure looked like a shade of blue or grey.

I heard my name again and turned my head in the direction that it was coming from.

My... Headphones?

I looked up at the screen again and inedibility recognised what was open.

Discord.

As quick as my shaky body could lift me I got up and tripped over to the headphones and threw them on. I saw myself on the camera. My eyes were so red and puffy. My hair was such a mess. My room is clearly shown on the camera. My cuts and bruises showed up very well on my pale skin. I forced myself to look at who was in the call.

Karl?

So that's whose voice I was hearing, he's still talking to me but his words are going right through my head. I can't listen. I can't focus. I feel like I'm gonna pass out. I turned around to face the scissors on the floor and let my dull eyes zone in on it.

"STOP DONT!" I heard who was only I could assume was Karl.

He sounded like he was in a car. How did I even answer the call? Why was he calling? How much did he see? I looked back at the keyboard and noticed that the mouse wasn't there, it was on the ground laying upside down and seems like it could've clicked on accident. I looked up at the screen and saw Karls video. It looked like the inside of a car and I looked to be resting on the dashboard.

He looked stressed. What even happened? Oh yeah, shit, he saw. Where is the driving to? Why did he call me while I was driving? Is he coming to my house? How'd he even get my address?

Wilbur should be the only person who knows... So unless Wilbur gave him my address he shouldn't be driving to where I am.

"Tommy, it's gonna be okay. I'm here for you. I care about you," Karl let out, and he sounded like he'd started crying.

I let those words sink in. He... Cares? I felt tears form in my eyes. I started shaking, holding my breath trying not to cry. I couldn't hold it in any longer though. I let out a slow quiet cry, but that was the breaking point, and pretty soon I was sobbing. There was no noise on Karls end other than the sound of the car.

I sobbed and sobbed, but the wave of dizziness hit me again. I started to wobble and it became harder to keep myself standing so I fell to the floor. My eyes were only open a little, but the room was still spinning, I wasn't sure what to do.

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