Tommyinnit // [ MCYT ] Angst Oneshots

stay with me [16]

Tommy's pov

I looked around at my surroundings, trying to see if anything were out of the ordinary, and everything looked pretty normal. More of the dream started to come back to me.

I... I killed myself... I-In multiple ways... My breathing stopped for a moment. Why? Why would I dream that? Why did I dream any of it? I let out my breath and hugged Karl tighter, squeezing my eyes shut. Should I tell him what happened? What would he do? I decided against it, not really wanting to bring it up, for all I know it could turn into a big thing over nothing, it's not like I'll try anything.

"R-right then, I'm going back to bed..." I said, letting go of the hug.

I walked backwards falling into the bed. I lied down and closed my eyes, hoping for no more night terrors.

My eyes flicked open. Dark. Everything was pitch black again. I felt sorrow and regret to fill my throat. I didn't want to be in this hell anymore.

"They don't want you here..." I heard a lot of voices speak at once.

"You're just one more thing to take care of to them."

"Nothing but a pathetic burden that they need to drag around along with the weight of their problems."

"Everyone thinks it, your friends, your fans, even your father, but you knew that from the beginning..."

"Nobody wants you here, maybe you should kill yourself."

"It's not like you matter to anyone."

"Nobody cares."

My eyes shot open. Karl was sleeping on the mattress below me. Maybe the voices are right, maybe I am just a burden to everyone. Tears filled up in my eyes again. I got up, being extra careful not to wake up Karl, and walked to the doorway. I slowly walked to Wilbur's bedroom, and gently pushed open the door.

I saw Wilbur sleeping peacefully. I frowned, leaving the door and walked downstairs. I walked to the couch and sat down. I feel so tired... My eyes are all blurry, I can barely see anything, not to mention I keep crying... I sighed bringing my knees up to hug them.

I was about to put my head down but something caught my eye. The bathroom door. A sickening feeling rose in me. I tried to push it away and shut my eyes.

I felt so nauseous. I'm just a burden, nothing more than a bloody parasite. I laid down, trying to calm my nausea, it wasn't working. Tears streamed down my face, I can't talk to anyone... They don't actually care... Karl and Wilbur have enough to deal with.

I sniffed, trying to stop crying, but it only resulted in feeling more sick. I sat up, holding my head with my right hand. I heard something come from upstairs and weakly looked over. Probably just Wilbur or Karl using the loo or something.

I continued crying but muffled it so nobody would come down here. I heard the footsteps getting closer, and eventually, Karl emerged from the staircase, walking over to me. He looked pretty worried.

"Oh good, you're alright..." He got a closer look at me, "no... you're not, what's wrong?"

Karl came and sat down next to me, waiting for a response. I felt too sick to talk, I just turned over the other way holding my knees. I wiped some of my tears and sniffed again. I'm so fucking pathetic.

"Did you have another nightmare?" He suggested.

I didn't respond, not even a nod, my head was starting to hurt. I felt my mouth start watering, in realizing I had about ten seconds until I vomited, I quickly got up and ran to the washroom. Karl followed slowly behind me. I stopped at the door feeling very dizzy.

I tried to breathe, in one last pitiful attempt to not vomit, but I failed spectacularly and started to throw up.

Karl pushed the door open and pushed me in. I knelt down next to the toilet coughing up whatever the fuck I could. Eventually, I stopped, tears pricking at my eyes.

Karl must've left at some point because he came back with a glass of water and handed it to me. I drank some of it and put it down. I weakly looked up at him.

"Better?" He asked, kneeling down.

"Y-yes, but I-I did have another nightmare..." My voice trailed off as I remembered, he probably didn't care.

"Same one?"

I nodded.

"Alright, do you still feel sick?" Karl asked.

"A-a little," I said looking down.

"Alright... follow me," he grabbed the small trash bin and lead me outside to the backyard porch.

We sat outside in the cool air, it felt nice.

"Being outside when I'm not feeling well usually makes me feel a bit better..." Karl whispered, "would you like to tell me what happened in the nightmare?"

"U-uh it's kind of hard to explain...I was in a dark void. . ." My voice trailed off, ". . .d-do you care about m-me?"

"Yes! Yes of course I care, Wilbur and I both do, very much," Karl spoke softly.

"W-well there was a voice..." I started to explain the nightmare but left out the whole suicide part.

I felt deeply saddened thinking about it. I felt tears fill up my eyes again. They were probably so bloodshot red and puffy by now... I probably look terrible.

"K-Karl I-I..." I tried to decide whether I should tell him about the suicide or not.

"Yes? Are you going to be sick again?" He grabbed the bin and put it closer to me.

"N-no I just... Its... T-the dream... I- well-" I struggled to find the words to describe it, "The voices made my anxiety spike... A-and I told myself I wanted to die, and that's when I stopped falling..." I explained the rest.

"Tommy... Gosh, I- Please don't h-hurt yourself..." Karl looked at me, sadness clouding his eyes.

"I know... I won't."