The Moon Hiding at Dawn

Chapter 19: Midterm Silence

It has been an eternity trying to get away from this month. It was a road trip filled with music and singing at the top of our lungs only to suddenly get a flat tire that led to everything going off the tracks and duets splitting into singles. Nonetheless, all things shall pass and be devoured by time. All things, good and bad alike.

The long month of October is finally at its final stand as the midterms stroll in at its last week. Those of us without examinations can freely do whatever we please. We know that for sure regardless if Professor Raymond leaves a message or not. It has always been that way, even before we got here. Take the exam at a scheduled time then leave and do what you want. On our part this year, it's just do whatever you want.

Still, October has been a hell of a month: a dip of heaven before falling to a pit of fire. The peak of my relationship as well as its sudden downfall. Two days have passed since the final day of the literary week. Kallen and I haven't been in contact with each other. I just don't find the courage to press send, let alone type something to say. Needless to say, the same might be true on her side. Even if she suddenly pops up and shouts 'hey, it's just a prank' I doubt that both of us would still be able to act normal by then. Type a few characters, after a few seconds mashes the delete button, courage fading out like a wisp.

I took a quick shower with scalding water, enough to burn me back to my senses. Chose the warmest possible clothing I had to combat the October breeze as well as the coldness of life that pierces through my veins. Turns out the only clothes I have that matches the description were black pants, a black cotton shirt, and the gray jacket Kallen lent me.

Quite ironic for something received from the source of the cold can bring me some warmth. Then again, I don't buy clothes for myself, including jackets, so I really don't have much of a choice, do I? 

I geared up to face another morning in trying to brave the frontiers of a heartbreak, which would've sounded so positive if not for the reason that I'm only doing this since staying at home tempts me to end this miserable life of a brain piloting a bone armored with meat.

I mean, I don't know. Ending it might be running away, but what I'm doing now is no different from that one. The only thing keeping me alive right now are possibilities. That against those who have a 99% chance, I'd still be able to snatch the case by a slim 1% probability rate of success. Those moments only happen in fantasies and games. In reality? You have to be much of a protagonist for that. I'm probably just a filler in this world. Not even worthy enough to be a side character at this point in time.

I pried the door open and the usual cold gust of wind greets me with a slap in my face. I locked my door and started walking around. You can't really tell the time of day by looking at the sky since it's shrouded with the usual gloomy clouds trying to cover the lazy sun from working. I sat by the same bench by the mall. Not waiting for Kallen or anyone this time around. Just someone trying to breathe his thoughts out like an old dying man reminiscing his past and pondering about whatever remains.

It would've been nice except for the sudden outburst of rain. I rushed towards the mall's interior. I don't really mind if I stayed outside and looked emo while sitting under the rain but my money would be drained by washing services if I continued that lifestyle so might as well not.

The deafening white noise of continuous chatter from the scattered crowd haunts me wherever I go. I needed a silent place, which is trying to find a needle in a haystack. Where inside a mall would you find a silent place? Even the comfort rooms aren't that comfortable when it comes to noise.

I walked around the place. This may be the first time I actually had a good look at it considering that most of my college was just two-way trips from house to school and back. Even with Ka... even with her around, it's just been funneling our attention to food and games. Looking around, there are indeed a lot of places to go to. Computer shops, an arcade, gadgets store, grocery store, a lot more stores of probably the same purposes but just with different themes and brandings. Nonetheless, nowhere silent where I could just mind my own business alone without anyone butting in or looking weirdly.