The Moon Hiding at Dawn

Chapter 27: The Sun Hides

The usual peaceful morning sky we look forward to see has now been tainted with darkness. Flashes of lightning echo violently as the heavens continue to sob. The late rainy days were nothing compared to this. It's as if the skies were done pretending to be fine and just released a sea of pain.

Silence was but a mere flurry of huge raindrops banging on the roof and windows. Yet our ears can only probably hear what Professor Raymond and his ominous aura would say.

"Official Announcement: As of this day, 23rd of November, the Top of the Class has officially withdrawn from the school for private reasons."

Shock was evident in everyone's faces that even Ramus broke out from his usual poker face. Just when I thought I'm good enough not to pry in the fog's business, I was quickly caught deeper in this hurricane of questions. My resolve to defer, or possibly abandon, my quest for answers shattered.

But, as unfortunate as fate, the quest for answers cannot be progressed. The subject faded and Clyde, the closest lead, is lost in the radar.

"I know this time is weird for you, assholes" professor added, trying to bring back mood but choking the last word as he himself probably can't believe it. "I don't care what you do, go to arcades, take a rest, whatever. No grudges on your attendance would be noted."

Then he left the room. Not that anyone moved a single inch. We are all frozen to our chairs. Slumped. Lifeless jelly puppets deprived of the strings that control us.

It took the greatest remaining willpower I had to hold back the tears. The others probably are experiencing the same thing. As I scanned the room, each of their faces turned surreal: one cannot even paint the magnitude and complexity of emotions clanging at each other. To cry or to hold back? To feel anguish or to understand?

Regardless of which, none of us are stupid enough to think that nothing was wrong. It doesn't even take smartasses and top grades like ours to figure out that something was wrong. It's written all over the place! The ominous announcement, the attempt of consolation, the absence of even Clyde. Only someone who's stubbornly foolish would believe that everything is still on its normal course of everyday life. It's only a matter of holding in or letting loose.

Most went with the former. One of us, however, is not doing that well in holding back her emotions. Riz. Staring blankly at the board, streams of tears sliding through the sides of her cheeks. Yet she remained frozen in time. Not budging to dry her tears. Not slouching to get rested at the very least. Not glancing to see and empathize with the others.

Seconds. Minutes. Perhaps even hours have already passed, no one really bothered to check. Sobs were heard here and there. Occasional shifting of positions. People fidgeting with stuff. Moments came and left; tears were no longer visiting. Nevertheless, the animosity and impending grief that surrounded the mystery of Kallen's sudden disappearance never dissipated.

The dreadful hours stretched until lunch time as well. The hammering thuds of large raindrops mask the usual cafeteria noise. Only this time, a few silent oddballs were caught in the hive.

"I just don't understand" Riz muttered to herself. "We're all just having fun yesterday..."

I never said a reply. Times like this, I'd rather not make someone's mood worse. All of these are hard to sink in. The deep sighs and occasional sobs all drown in the ocean of conversations paired with the tide of crashing raindrops and a false sense of normalcy looming from others around us.

"She was my first friend" Riz said. "She was the only one to approach me and help me with the programming stuff so that I won't fail. I just... I just can't believe that she's gone."

Friend... I never expected that I'd encounter that word again with much gravity. After all, it's use or be used in this world. You've got to program the world to be yours before someone else steals the job from you. But Kallen? She never understood such a thing. Well... she is annoying and everything within that line. But apart from that, she's the truest among all of us. No event passed where she wasn't honest with anything. The only lies she'll tell you are those that would hide the weight she's carrying so you won't be worried. Annoying and crazy as she might be, I have to agree with Riz. I guess I really did miss that part of her now that she's gone.

Gone... That single word suddenly triggered the inner workings of what still exists within me.

"Why are we acting as if we're not going to see her?" I muttered. "I mean her letter only said that it was for personal reasons. That could be anything, right??"

"Yes" she affirmed. "That could mean ANYTHING."

It's weird to feel silence despite being enclosed in an echo of noise.

"You can feel it, can't you" she added. "You're the one who cared for her the most. Surely you—"

"Notice it as well? Yeah. For the looooongest time I've been trying to solve the mystery that runs through her head! But now you're trying to tell me to stop and give in to what POSSIBLY happened?

NO! I refuse to believe that she doesn't want to see us anymore, I refuse to believe that she left for petty reasons that it would be for the better, I refuse to believe that she faded from our lives for good. Like, heck! I wouldn't even call myself a FRIEND if I'd just prostrate to whatever grand of a scheme that separated us!"

I've said what's on my mind without even knowing if it was a coherent string of thoughts. The only thing I'm sure of is that I gathered attention enough. I left Riz and my half-eaten lunch and bolted away. I just ran aimlessly around, being chased by random glances from people who are carefree and clueless, just walking by the breath of time. I couldn't care more. Not about them, about me, about her, or about anyone. I just wanted to be away from anything and everything.

Yet as much as I just wanted to run, all things subconsciously leads to her.

I don't want to accept that she would leave us without much of a word. For all I know, Kallen never talked much about her problems. Not her health, not her workload, not her social life. She probably knew a lot about all of us— about me. But never did we know anything about her. Not even her dreams. Her fears. Her feelings.

She opened my book but I never dared to open hers. I was caught by the cover thinking that it would suffice. But not even that nor the back of it can summarize what she probably held within. Now, everything is just too late as pages escaped one after another until I realized that there's nothing I could possibly read into anymore. Just a blank canvas with fading paint.

How long was I running? An hour? Maybe two? I don't know. I was so lost, the next thing I knew is that I was on the rooftop, getting beaten by the rain. It wasn't a surprise that I was here again. After all, this place knew nothing but echoes of my problems and signs of the end. If only this place told me about what's happening, I may have acted in a different manner. Sadly, only I can whisper to its rough and cold floor. And as much as I whisper the truth going on in my mind, it can only do nothing but listen, but never to whisper anything back. 

Large drops of rain can be quite a pain with sharp winds as I stand out in the open, staring at whatever lies below. That said, I don't care much about them at the moment, nor at the pain that they bring. For now, I'm just thankful that I can let my tears out and convince myself that it's just the rain. A convenient lie to tell myself as long as the sun decides to hide.