The Panic of Fear (Book One of The Fearful Trilogy)

Chapter Twenty Three

  As I look at the smile I hear the childlike laughter behind me. The thing reminds me of the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. I feel something wrap around my ankle and pull me upside down. It starts swinging me around and I bang against walls.

My father punching me...

Falling...

  I try to drag myself out of those memories so I can focus on the thing that's swinging me around. As I try to find it I see something. Chris is here, but he's hanging from a noose. Tears start falling into my hair as I watch Chris hang there.
  I try to look away but I can't, even if I close my eyes I still see it. When I open my eyes I don't see Chris anymore I see Jordan. He has headphones on and is walking down a sidewalk.
  All of a sudden someone steps out of the shadows and points a gun at him. He stops and holds his hands up. The guy obviously wants something. I watch as Jordan tries to reach in his back pocket for something and the guy shoots him.
  More tears. I can't watch anything else. It'll break me. I open my eyes and see Zach die again.

  After being banged around for what felt like forever the thing drops me and I curl up into a ball. I just lay there feeling helpless. My heart has been destroyed.
  I don't have enough left to put it back together. Or to fight. I'm giving up. I don't have anything left.
  Everyone that matters to me is dead. What do I have left to fight for? I close my eyes and accept my fate. "Alex?" I open my eyes and see Zach there crouching next to me.
  "No. Don't give up!" He yells at me. "What's the point? You're dead. Everyone I care about is dead. I give up." I close my eyes again. "How do you know they're dead?" He asks me.
  "Because. I saw Jordan get shot. Chris was hanged. They're dead. I have nothing to fight for." I say as tears start to fall again. "What about Zodiac?" "He's in my hoodie pocket."
  Zach puts a hand on my shoulder. "Please don't give up." I ignore his plea.

Four years ago

  After eating breakfast I realize I have to go home at some point. Jordan tells me we could play video games for awhile. I smile and agree. He picks out a game that I love playing.
  "How'd you know I liked this game?" I ask him as he puts it in the Xbox. "Because. It's the best game around." I laugh and we start playing. After hours of playing I get a call and answer it.
  "Hello?" "Come. Home. NOW!" I wince as my dad yells at me through the phone. He's obviously mad and drunk. I look at Jordan and he understands.
  We stop playing and he helps me grab my crutches. As we walk out to the car Jordan stops me. "What if..." He stops to take a breath. "What if I hid you from him. I have this hide out deep in the woods. I can stock up on food and water." He looks at me. "Keep you safe."
  I smile sadly and shake my head. "It'll never work. That only happens in the movies." He looks sad and I smile. "Besides. I can take care of myself."
  "Really?! Because when you texted me it didn't seem like it!" I know he's only yelling at me because he's upset. I put a hand on his shoulder. "I'll be fine." He pulls me into a bear hug lifting me off my feet and I laugh.

  I cry into the floor of the room. Wishing for anything to happen. The world could open up and swallow me whole. The thing could come back and kill me. I don't care anymore. I don't care.