𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐇𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲

32

Honey's eyes lazily gazed over the ceiling of her room that decorated by a red hue due to the LED lights she had received last week for Christmas.

The burning tealight candles that rested on her nightstand produced a distant smell of vanilla which wafted through the air as she listened to the sultry vocals of Jhene Aiko through her Bluetooth speakers. Nothing else could be heard in the confinement of her room except the shallow breathing coming from her chest.

Honey only wore an comfy oversized tee with panties and a pair of knee length socks as she laid sprawled out on the pink fluffy blankets that covered her queen sized bed. Her usual neat curls were wild and free against her arms that nestled behind her head. Her eyes momentarily drifted shut on their own accord as she exhaled.

Even though her room and posture was the epitome of serenity and peace, her thoughts didn't quite follow suit.

Honey could never give herself a break from her thoughts. The more she fed into it the worse they would become. Things could be so simple if she stopped making herself troubled by the worrisome thoughts and scenarios her brain would come up with.

Her mind was currently conjuring up the memories of the New Year's party she recently attended. It was a complete shit show. Honey had a sneaking suspicion that the party was only the beginning of what's to come.

With both Nadia and Spencer lurking in the shadows. Honey would be glad when her cousin would finally leave their residence for good. Once she's out the picture then Spencer will follow. She couldn't see him spending any time or effort on someone as insignificant as Honey.

There was a likely chance of Nadia telling her parents everything. Which is why Honey has been gathering the courage to come clean. It took Honey awhile to come to this verdict but it had to be done. Her parents would appreciate the truth coming from her rather than anyone else. Even though their relationship was practically nonexistent due to her sexuality. Honey had to suck it up and confess to her mess anyways even if it made things worse. If her parents loved her like they said they do then they wouldn't do anything else to push her even further away. At the end of the day, Honey is their child over everything else.

Her and Cyn hadn't spoken since the party. Honey hated fighting with her best friend. Things had escalated and came out harsh due to her anger. Honey was going to reach out to her soon and finish the conversation so they could be okay. However, Honey still meant what she said no matter how she delivered it.

DJ has been plaguing Honey's mind since their break up. Honey thought that if she reminded herself of the events that led up to where they are now. She could detach herself. However, when she took in DJ's crestfallen expression after her dance with Royce. Honey felt a twinge of guilt even though she didn't do anything wrong. If only DJ knew that nearly the entire time Honey was dancing with Royce...she was on her mind. In addition to that, Honey didn't understand why DJ would be feeling any kind of way when she chose her side with Tasha and stuck to it for these last couple of weeks.

Truth is, DJ could've tried to win her back or even offer reassurance to show that she actually cares. But she didn't even try to do anything. She went on her merry way and been there ever since. Honey knew that if she was in DJ's position she wouldn't have done that. But maybe that's the problem? Honey can't keep expecting herself out of other people.

Clearly, they weren't built the same as her.

Honey cracked her eyes open as a dreary sigh escaped her lips. If there was only a button where I can turn off my thoughts and feelings. Honey rolled over to her side and snuggled into her pillow as she breathed in the scent of clean linen. She pulled the blanket up until it was under her chin. Her eyes blankly stared at the wall in front of her. Why couldn't she stay home in this very position until senior year was over?