Mean Something (Jemily)

Chapter 1- Coming to terms (JJ POV)

TW: This chapter follows the episode "The forever people" where JJ struggles with coming to terms with her resulting PTSD from her kidnapping in episode 200. Mentions of abuse, miscarriage  and minor mentions of SA. Remember to take care of yourselves. 

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Most days are hard, especially when you work a job dealing with death and the sick minds of those who make it happen. I knew this when choosing my career long ago. Starting as the communications liaison for the behavioral analysis unit in the FBI and moving my way up to becoming a profiler is not something I regret, but sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I never took the steps to get here.

My day started mostly normal, meeting my trainer early in the morning for our boxing session was something I have done on a weekly basis since being kidnaped. Yet, something about today had my mind running in overdrive. Every punch I threw sent my mind back to that day. Tivon Askari's words echoing in my ears between punches "you have forgotten. I know exactly how to get what I want". I lost it. Something primal took over and before I knew it my trainer was yelling. "STOP! STOP!" My trainer pushed me off and honestly, I didn't know what happened. "What was that? Hu? You lost your form and completely let your guard down! What was that!" He yelled once again. I loosened my helmet and ripped out my mouth guard, breathing heavily I managed to stutter out a soft "What?" He looked over at me with disappointment in his face "You know, if you're fighting someone who knows what they're doing and you pulled that garbage, they'd kill you." "So why didn't you?" I snapped. Venom on my tongue. "yeah... I think were done here" He replied before walking off the mat and out of my line of sight.

I thanked whatever god was out there that the locker room was empty when I walked in. Sitting my bag down on the bench I sat down, exhausted from the physical and mental work I've been dealing with. As I was unwrapping the cloth around my hands and wrist my phone dinged next to me. "Got a case" -Pen. I stood up with the intentions to get ready for work, lifting my tank top to wipe the sweat from my forehead I looked down catching a glimpse of the fading scars scattered across my abdomen.  I had been beaten, drugged, hung from chains. I tried my best to get out, but in the end it was useless. "If I, were you... I'd save my strength...""Fuck you." I gritted out slamming the locker do closed.

Once inside the round table room I took a seat next to Reid, I caught his eyes as they shot a concerned look noticing the bandages wrapped around my knuckles. Keeping my head low I ignored him, trying to concentrate on what was being said in front of me. In the end, all I managed to pick up was we had a case in Boulder City Nevada. A body of an unidentified woman wrapped and weighed down in a body of water. I was scrolling through the crime scene photos listening to the others throw around ideas "No marks on her, though. Hitman usually leave a mark" Kate insisted when Rossi brought up the idea of a hitman. "No... He did leave a mark" I said casually "Breastbone, above the heart. That's not frostbite its an electrical burn." Morgan and Reid agreed, talking about why the unsub would be shocking his victims when Kate looked at me "How did you catch that?" She asked. "I've seen it before" I said avoiding eye contact. She held her eyes on me a second longer than I would've liked before continuing to to discuss the case with the team.

The case went on as usual. We met on the jet, continuing to discuss the case with a short break for Kate and Reid to bicker about his genius abilities. Arriving at the police station in Boulder city we began working the case head on. Reid and I were sent to take a look at the victim's body. When discussing our findings Reid's phone pinged "Hotch needs us" he said gesturing towards the text. I nodded "Go on, I'm going to wait for the final report" I can see a another flash of concern in his eyes but am relieved when he gives me a half nod and leaves. Stepping back my mind began racing again. I imagined myself laying on the examination table. "If I, were you... I'd save my strength" echoed once again in my mind. Only being pulled from my thoughts when the door opened, the doctor stepping in handing me the report.