Mean Something (Jemily)

Chapter 21 - Fresh Paint (Emily POV)

I left the BAU in a hurry, eager to get home and do some last-minute things before Candice's arrival tomorrow evening. I changed my clothes, washed my sheets, freshened up the apartment and ran to the store for a few last minute items. I hauled the bags up to the apartment, setting them on the counter before realizing what time it was. 1am 'fuck I need to go to bed.' I thought throwing the few perishable goods into the refrigerator and heading off to bed. I picked up my phone setting an alarm and sending off a "Can't wait to see you! Travel safe." Text to Candice. Sleep found me quicker than I imagined it would as I laid there nervous for the events of tomorrow.

Saturday morning arrived and I woke up to the sound of my phone. Rolling over I took notice that it was just about noon. Glad I decided to allow myself to sleep in as my heart was already racing with excitement. My excitement quickly turned to worry as I picked up my phone, reading a text that came in the morning hours "I'm not coming."-Candice I immediately called her confused and upset. The phone rang a few times before she finally picked up "What?" She asked coldly, her tone caused me to pause "What do you mean you're not coming? Is everything okay?" I sputtered out quickly. "I'm fine. I decided that I wont be joining you this week... I think we need to realize that this isn't going to work." My heart shattered "Wh—What do you mean? I thought we would talk about it more when you arrived?" Candice let out a scoff at my comment "Talk about what? You clearly made up your mind weeks ago. I should've known that you would drop me the moment a possibility for you to go back to the BAU became possible." I was speechless "You always put your job above me! I can't believe I was to stupid to notice it." She continued, anger coming through the phone "I ignored your unwillingness to commit, hoping one day you'd change your mind. I believed you when we talked about of future but looking back, I can see that you never believed it yourself. You always gave reason to imagine going back to the states." "Candice that isn't fair, you know—" "I know what? That they're your family? Of course, I know. You've never stopped reminding me! Emily you have to be kidding yourself thinking the only reason you were so quick to jump on this was because you miss the BAU!"

We argued for what felt like hours "What do you mean? I do miss the BAU! This is the best job I've ever had." Candice laughed at my comment "You missed the BAU? Or you missed Jenifer?" Hearing her mention JJ twisted my gut "Candice..." "No! Don't start with that 'She is my friend; We've been through a lot; I just really care about her.'  Bullshit Prentiss!" "But JJ is my friend?" I countered "You know, for a profiler you really are just clueless!" Candice wasn't the first person to inform me of my ignorance "If JJ were to walk into your room right now and confess her love for you, you wouldn't hesitate to run off with her! I can't be expected to just be okay with that!" Candice was right. I did love JJ, and I often wondered if we could ever be more than friends, but I pushed that away years ago. "You think I don't notice the subtle touches between you two in photos? The way your face lights up when you talk about her? How you care about her more than anyone else. And you know what, that's fine. Have fun with your straight-girl crush but don't be a fucking coward and don't try to pretend everything I'm saying isn't true!" I could feel hot tears rolling down my cheeks as I let out a soft "I'm sorry." Candice huffed "I'll schedule a shipping company to get the rest of your stuff sent to you. After that, I don't want to hear from you again." With that the phone line went dead.

I fell back into the bed, shocked and confused as my mind was raced. My relationship just ended, and I wanted nothing more than to run to JJ for comfort but I knew that it would be a mistake in my current state. It was late afternoon now and I needed to get out of bed. Remembering the paint, I bought almost two years ago I threw on some old clothes and got to work. The weather outside was scorching so I threw on a pair of tattered shots and a t-shirt I didn't care about. I finally finished pushing around the furniture and laying out the tarps by 6pm, I was a little shocked when I saw how long it took me to get everything set up. Realizing there was no way I would get this done myself, and no chance I would have the motivation to finish it. I scrolled through my phone trying to find someone I could ask over, but my finger kept hovering over JJ's name. I decided it was best I wasn't alone tonight, so I swallowed my fears and sent JJ a quick message asking her to come over.

I had already downed the last of my rum hours earlier and messily started painting before JJ was walking through my door. I stepped into the hallway when I heard her enter the apartment "Hey! Pour some wine and grab a paintbrush we have work to do!" I yelled over the music. I could see confusion written over her face but was happy when she didn't argue. "Are you drunk Prentiss?" JJ asked holding onto two glasses of wine, I reached out for the glass and took a sip shrugging "What can I say. You took to long?" I set the glass down on the floor "Come on! Grab a brush!" I tried desperately to ignore the reason I asked her here. It went better than I expected. Eventually the confused tension between wash away as we worked. JJ and I cracked jokes, sang to some early 2000s music and I may have had more paint on me than the walls by the time we were finished, but it was done.

Next thing I know I was on the floor drunkenly crying over Candice to JJ, telling her what happened and her doing the best she could to comfort me. Something took over me and I kissed JJ. My heart fluttered when she gave into me, rolling on her back and allowing me to straddle her hips. I melted under her touch as she intertwined her fingers in my hair. Suddenly it was like I had snapped out of dream when I heard her say my name. "Shit! JJ I'm sorry!" I let out shocked scrambling to get away from her. My heart pounding so hard I couldn't think straight "I'm going to shower." I said bluntly, leaving the confused blonde alone on my living room floor. 

I watched as the last of the paint went down the drain, unable to stop myself from sniffling softly. I wasn't sure if I was actually upset at what had unfolded or if it was the alcohol causing me to over react. Kissing JJ was something I wanted to do from the moment we met, but we never had a chance. The phrase 'Nothings sadder  than meeting the right person at the wrong time.' rang true in every way when I thought about JJ and I. I loved our friendship, and I always hoped we would become more, but I pushed her away and into Will's arms years ago. Accepting the fact that she was never going to be mine... I have been keeping my feelings for her locked away so tightly that I had no idea how to handle them now that they've escaped. I was worried I had just ruined our friendship, still unsure of her feelings towards me, and even if I did have a chance with her now was an awful time to attempt that. She probably thinks I'm crazy, just running to her out of desperation over my failed relationship. 

A knock came from the door followed by JJ asking if I was okay. I didn't answer as she let herself in. "Can you at least give me a signal you're not dead?" "I'm not dead." I replied. "Good to know... Now, are you okay?" A few moments passed before I let out a whisper "I'm sorry." I said, still not sure what I was apologizing for but hoping it sufficed. No reply came and I shut off the water "I uh- I need to get out." I could hear JJ get up and exit the bathroom. After a few more minutes I stepped into the bedroom to find JJ having changed into a pair of my sweatpants and the maroon hoodie I let her borrow years ago. Our eyes locked and she gave me a half smile and moved over on the bed, opening up her arms and motioning me to come over. I hesitated, trying to read her before walking over and giving in to a hug. JJ wrapped her arms around me, pushing my head onto her chest, coaxing me to lay down. It was weird, being comforted by JJ after all of that. I still felt like I needed to apologize, but the lump in my throat kept me from speaking. It didn't seem to phase JJ as she planted a soft kiss onto to the top of my head and whispered "Em, we don't have to talk about it now... But please don't think I'm mad."