Mean Something (Jemily)

Chapter 13- Substitution (JJ POV)

TW: Mentions of miscarriage, infidelity & light domestic abuse  

I found myself standing on the top stairs outside of a door I've walked through a hundred times, but reaching my fist up and knocking seemed impossible. Taking a few shallow breaths I finally worked up the courage to softly knock. I took a slight step back when the overhead light ticked on, I could hear shuffling coming from inside before the clicking of locks sounded. The door in front of me opened slowly "JJ?" Garcia said pushing her glasses onto her face. Her hair done up in a messy bun, wearing a flamboyant robe she stood there taking me in. "Hi, Pen. I know it's late, but I was wondering if we could talk..." I trailed off, unsure of why I was really here "Anything for you love. Come in." She hurried me inside telling me to make myself comfortable closing the door behind her, locking it.

I sat down on the couch awkwardly picking at my nails as Garcia made her way into her small kitchen "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be here." I said apologizing. She made her way around the kitchen, glasses clinking as she did so "Don't be. Something must be up for you to show up at my doorstep this late at night." She walked into the living room setting down two glasses of wine down on the dark coffee table. I sighed as she sat across from me "So what's up bird?" Bird, she started calling me that after picking up on Emily's nickname for me. "It's Will. He's leaving me." I spit the words out faster than indented, scared that a slight hesitation would lead to silence. Garcia let out a gasp "What? Why?" Tears started rolling down my cheeks effortlessly "He cheated on me." I mumbled. I could see anger engulf her usually perky face "It's my fault Pen." Garcia reached her hand out for mine, grasping it in hers and squeezing it softly "What makes you say that?" She questioned. I hesitated this time, I hated showing weakness in front of my friends, but I knew keeping this inside would eat me alive. "I was pregnant."

Garcia looked even more confused "Was?" She asked softly. "Yeah... I wasn't even through the first trimester..." I could feel my tears falling from my face once more "I didn't even tell Will I was pregnant... but when I miscarried, I got distant. I shut him out. He got mad. We fought... all the time. Next thing I know he's working late, ignoring my calls, and sleeping on the couch..." she listened carefully, concern and worry written on her face "And this morning before work he comes in and just blurts out that he doesn't love me. He found someone else and he's leaving..." A few tears ran down my cheeks "Just like that the past 8 years of our relationship, gone." Garcia huffed "Do you want me to ruin him? I'll ruin him. I think I could even get Derek to kick his sorry ass." I smiled and let out a laugh, feeling a little bit relieved to have this out in the open "No Pen. No need for that. I figure if this is what he wants... I can't stop him." Garcia nodded "Honey this isn't your fault. Wills being an ass. He doesn't realize what a wonderful woman you are." We talked for a bit longer, retelling my life story for what seemed to be the thousandth time. I grazed over my time in Afghanistan, my first miscarriage, the fight Will, I had that Saturday night, everything but the most intimate details that lead me to her door tonight.

Before I knew it, hours had passed. My sorrows melted away as we finished off a couple glasses of wine. I let out a big sigh falling back further into the couch. "Have you talked to Emily?" Garcia questioned. I laughed at her comment "No. she's going to be pissed... but I can't run to her every time I have a problem. I have them far too often for that." Garcia smirked a bit "JJ she's not going to pissed. That girl thinks the world of you!" I looked at her scrunching up my nose and smiling "Yeah, she's the only one." I teased. Garcia pushed my shoulder "JJ, we all do. You're family." She stated lovingly "But you really should talk to her, she worries about you. I know you've been distant with her. Because every time you are I start getting messages!" I sighed again, I new she was right but I was trying to think of anything to avoid talking to Emily right now. "I don't mean to close her off. It's just a lot to explain when someone's literally an ocean away..." Garcia rolled her eyes "No excuses bird. You have talk to her eventually."

We finished off our last glass of wine before Garcia brought a blanket and some pillows out to the couch "Sorry this is all I have," she said setting down a bright yellow blanket covered in leopard print. "It's perfect Pen. Thanks." I said taking it from her hand and laying it over the couch. "Are you going to be okay?" She asked. I thought about it for a second and nodded "I think so. Thank you for being here for me." Garcia wrapped her arms around me "Anytime bird. Goodnight, I'll see you in the morning." She whispered before letting go of me and leaving for bed. I changed into the oversized T-shirt she brought out for me and laid on the couch, a sense of relief washed over me once again as I took a deep breath. I felt like the weight I've been carrying has finally been lifted, but something was still nagging at me in the back of my mind, though I couldn't quite make out what.