Mean Something (Jemily)

Chapter 2 -A day at a time (JJ POV)

TW: Mentions of SH, PTSD and abuse. Remember to take care of yourself. 

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Life went on and I don't know if I was getting better, or simply getting better at hiding. The team had just finished another daunting case and I was making my way to my house. Will and Henry were away for the weekend, as they usually were. I couldn't blame them really; with my job they never knew if I would be home so Will would take Henry on a weekend outing for some fun or to see family. It was a decent attempt at trying to keep Henry's mind off of the fact that his mom was gone, and more recently it seemed in more ways than one. I drove in silence for a few minutes before pulling into the garage. Turning the key, I rested my head on my hands above the steering wheel. Finally gathering the strength to move I reached over, grabbed my go bag and made my way into the house. Closing the entryway door I dropped my bag and stood, listening to the silence. Like I said, I couldn't blame Will for taking Henry away, I wasn't mad at him for not being here, but I knew that being alone wasn't the best for my mental health. I was just too stubborn to admit it.

I made my way upstairs and into the the master bathroom, turning on the shower I stripped off my work clothes. I was in the shower for all of five minutes before breaking down sobbing once again "FUCK!" I yelled slamming my fist against the tile of the shower wall. I collapsed onto the tub floor bringing my knees up to my face, wrapping my arms around my legs as I continued to sob. "God damnit JJ get it together!" I said in a frustrated tone. I don't know how long I sat there, tears falling at an odd rate. Every now and then I would think I was okay enough to attempt to leave the shower before ultimately giving up and staying longer. The water turning ice cold is what finally convinced me to haul myself out of the shower. I dried off slowly and threw on a loose FBI t-shirt and a pair of cotton shorts. I was still in my head as I started franticly rummaging through the cabinets. Finally laying my hands on a small box  trucked furthest to the back. I bought it out, setting it down on the counter in front of me I ran my fingers over the lid softly before opening it. I finally felt like I had a bit of control over my emotions as my eyes fell on the shiny metal inside. My hands shook a bit picking up the blade, I hesitated for a second before running it across my shoulder. It was like I could suddenly think again. "Oh fuck." I whispered panicking slightly realizing what I had done. I quickly placed the metal back into the box before returning it to its original spot and began scrabbling around for something to take care of my new wound. Thankfully, it was high enough that as long as I was wearing a t-shirt it wouldn't show, but I knew Will would eventually see it. I knew he wouldn't buy the excuse of it being a work-related injury. I cursed myself knowing that he would never let it slide, he knew of my past experiences but that's an issue for another day. For now, I needed a drink and some trashy TV.

I glanced over at the alarm clock on the bedside table 3:00am. I had just finished my wine and clicked the TV remote as the movie s credits started playing. I rolled over ready to fall asleep as my phone started ringing. Letting out a tired groan, I rolled over once again and picked up the phone. The screen blinded me for a second as I read the name and my heart stopped. I frantically hit the accept button "H-Hi?" I stuttered out. "Hi. I'm sorry, I know it's really early, I just wanted to call and check in on you. I haven't heard for you in a while." The voice came over the speaker in a silky-smooth way. "Oh no, it's okay. I wasn't asleep." I replied shortly. "Oh okay, well it's good to hear your voice again, it's been too long." My heart sank a little "Yeah it really has been, we're really missing you here. It's just not the same." The last time I heard this voice had to be at least a year ago "I know love, Uh- that's actually why I was calling you, I'm having to come down for a bit... I'm actually already here." My heart began to race as I shot up in bed "Really! Where are you?" I asked without hesitation. "I'm in a hotel room not far from the BAU, but its early. Why don't we get some sleep, and then we can get breakfast together tomorrow?" She suggested "Yes, sounds great. Text me tomorrow with where you want to meet. It'll be great to see you, Emily." We said out goodbyes and I ended the call. Pulling the phone to my chest laid back down staring up at the ceiling. My mind wandered at the thought of my friend being back. It was hard, her leaving to work in London years ago... I constantly wondered why she decided to leave when she did, but I was always thankful when she came back. We kept in touch for the most part, more so after my abduction but I fell off communicating as the year flew by. Our work and other issues always seemed to get in the way of our relationship. I forced my eyes closed trying to sleep, but happiness kept nipping at my mind keeping me awake. Emily had been my best friend since the day I met her, always knowing we'd be close I wondered if we could have ever been something more... But I ended up with Will, and I didn't regret that but at the same time, I couldn't help but play through all of the 'what ifs' over and over again.