Shattered [Niall Horan]

Chapter 5

Chapter 5 

// Niall

"D-did you see that? I, I saw her doing it! She just raised a finger I- Where's the doctor?! Call the doctor!" I frantically howled at the nurse, desperate to have the doctor to acknowledge what my eyes had witnessed and tell me that Cath was fine now.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm afraid she didn't," She timidly replied, staring at me with almost-anxious eyes.

"You tryna' tell me I'm lying? You think I'm fucking blind?!" I threw my hands up in fury and frustration. What the hell was she trying to imply?

"Look sir, I'm sorry, you need to calm down. I understand what you're going through-"

"Don't you fucking say that! You don't alright? You don't understand what I'm going through. No one does, so don't you dare say that," I vigorously pointed a finger, not giving a damn about what she might have made of my behaviour.

"Niall, listen" Liam voiced, trying to do what everyone's been doing since the past one week - pity me.

"Hey, listen up, I don't fucking need anyone to feel sorry for me, alright? Do me the favour of leaving me alone wih her! Please!" I begged, receiving silence in reply this time, as they complied, abandoning me of company.

One week past that horrendous incident and Cath's condition was nowhere near improving. But that wasn't something to have me give up. I knew she was going to be back. She had to. I wasn't going to let go; never.

Knowing every second, that I was the one responsible for this, I just wanted to stop breathing. It was me; I was the one to be blamed. It was all because of me, so why couldn't I be the one suffering? Why did it have to be her? If I hadn't been on the phone with her that day, she would've been careful, she would've crossed the road safely, she would've been unhurt and in my arms today. We had a wedding to plan, a baby to raise; it couldn't just be snatched from me like that.

I took one of her hands and placed it gently in between mine, clasping onto it tightly.

"Cath, I know you can hear me.. Please talk to me Cath," The tears, which I longer had the strength to hold back, trickled freely down my cheeks. "I-I can't live without you.. y-you know that.. Baby, please," I mumbled, resting my forehead against her hand, wishing for her to respond. She had to be listening to me. But those lips remained unmoved, those beautiful hazel eyes still cloaked behind her shut eyelids.

"I wish it was me, not you. I wish I was the one in this condition Cath, I'm so sorry I could'nt save you, save you both," Whispers emitted off me, lips trembling uncontrollably as I pressed them to her placid hand.

All I could do was regret and remorse, hope and wish - none of which would bring my Cath back to me. Nothing that could fix my world, turn the clock, make everything as perfect as it was. Nothing would change.

Returning home every evening, knowing Cath won't be there, it broke me. Phone notifications didn't show texts of hers anymore, nor did her innocent laughter echo off the walls of my house. I couldn't have it this way. The guilt only multiplied, the misery heightening to its peak. I was'nt going to be able live like this.

I needed her. I needed my Cath.

"Niall, we need to go," Liam came back into the room quietly, reminding me about the shoot we had to attend.

"Just make something up." I requested.

"You were missing at the promos last week. I know, I shouldn't be forcing you, but management is quite annoyed. They've postponed the shoot twice already. I-I think you should come today,"

All I wanted to do was be with Cath and nothing else. I didn't have the mindset to be at those promos, rehearsals, shoots and whatsoevers. Nothing mattered to me anymore, not even my career. Absolutely nothing mattered.

"Kayla said she's gonna be here, while you're gone.. So you comin'?" He asked.

Looking up at Liam's hopeful face, I decided to give in. I might not be caring about my future at the moment but I couldn't abolish the lads' career with mine. I knew how much One Direction meant to them.. it meant a lot to me too, but the time that I was going through, I couldn't get my mind to think straight about anything, beside Cath.

I nodded my head, to Liam's relief. "Thanks pal." He placed a hand on my shoulder.

We left the cabin and headed out.

As we made our way past the hospital cabins, a certain noise caught me frozen in my position, making my feet feel like they no longer had the ability to carry me forward. It felt like I would break down right then and there. The sound of a baby's cry made my heart sink.. sending stabs of pain down my chest, making me feel absolutely empty and hollow. The shrivelling of my heart befalling once again, something that I had become so accustomed to over the last few days.

I was going to hear that in my house everyday, sing my baby to sleep every night. I was going to have someone to call me dad, someone to wrap their tiny fingers around mine. I was going to have a perfect family with my Cath.

Liam held me consolingly around the shoulder. "It's okay Niall, c'mon," He whispered, towing me forward.

I had questions for God, a lot of questions that required a lot answers - answers he was never going to give me. I needed explanations that were never going to be offered to me.

 It wasn't fair; nothing was.

----

My eyes slowly squinted open due to the sudden brightness penetrating through my eyes. Ogling in my surroundings, I realised I was at the hospital, an unfamiliar frame standing infront of me.

"I'm sorry, I thought she should get some sunlight," The person spoke, the neat ponytail that her brown hair was pulled into, wiggled up and down as she shook her head from side to side, contemplating on how much of the curtains should be pulled.

"Yeh it's okay," I mumbled, sitting up on the couch, fingers instictively rubbing at my drowsy eyes.

"You've slept on the couch all night, it must've been uncomfortable. I think you should go home I'm here to look after her," She turned around, a polite smile pinned to her lips.

"You, um?"

"The assistant nurse," She answered my unvoiced query.

I suddenly remembered her. She was the nurse from yesterday - the one I had been an ass to.

"Hey um, for yesterday.. I'm really sorry. I wasn't thinking straight and I just-"

"Ah, don't worry about that. I understan- oh no, oops I can't say that.. sorry, you yelled at me for saying this last time, I'm sorry.. It's okay I underst- oh no, oh God I-"

"Erm it's okay.. uh?"

"Brianna, well um, Brynn." She smiled.

Lips curled into a miniscule smile, so I could return the gesture. "Thanks Brynn."

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A little too much? I know it suddenly got totally depressing, but there's still a lot more to come.

Dedication to lostindreamz, for helping me out with the massive writer's block. Also, you guys should go over to her page and check her stories out because they're all too good, for real!

Kickass editing off to the sidebar (not mine; webbed and found) --->

Thanks so much for the votes and comments so far. It makes me reaaally happy and excited to write on, thank you. 

xxx