Shattered [Niall Horan]

Chapter 31

Chapter 31

// Niall

 

 

 

My breathing had never been so awfully hitched. A summer evening couldn't possibly be as cold as my body was making it out to be, yet I could clearly feel the irrepressible curdling of blood in my veins. Unsynchronised breathing and unsteady exhales oozed their way out of me, as I retreated my foot off the pedal, hands still attached to the car's steering, almost as if they were terribly dreadful of letting go.

Exhaling out yet another chunk of air, my grip on the steering managed to unfasten itself, feet hopping down off the car and onto the green meadow beneath. My eyes studied the tiny wildflowers that festooned the grass, mind attempting to clog itself with the memorisation their shapes and mild colours, so I could have the nervous thoughts pushed aside for a while, but it turned out to be a wasted effort anyway.

Dragging my feet forward, my eyes were soon met with the back of a tiny frame, dark hair cascading all over her back, as she sat atop the wooden park-bench, unmoved and almost as motionless as a river on a calm day. Swallowing hard on that painful lump that seemed to be nurturing itself inside my chest, I seeped in an air of confidence and trudged my way towards the bench, unknown and unsure of what my following action was going to be.

My presence was perceived by her almost immediately, as I sat myself down, having spent in some contemplation over this simple act too. The orange sun in the twilight sky cast a shade of auburn onto the side of her face, as she rotated it to face me; the expression it bared being unreadable, yet somewhat serene.

The entity between us, being the few inches of air was filled in nothing but dead silence, neither of us initiating a single noise past our lips. It was a further minute of pin-drop, to which may I add, anxious silence that led to a word being produced from my mouth.

"Cath,"

It was ironic, in the most non-amusing of ways, how I'd been equally nervous to phrase my words out to Cath, roughly a year ago, in a location just as tranquil as the one we were currently in. Those words were ones of elation, ones that were to bring a new relishing bliss into our lives that we were about to put a happy beginning to. And these words, they were going to bring upon a consequence that I didn't even have the courage to ponder upon. They were going to splinter an already shattered heart into tinier specks and I was responsible for it all.

How I felt about it all? I felt like a sinner.

Gulping hard yet again, I managed to speak up once more, but found myself shushed this time. "Cath, I'm –"

"Don't," She pleadingly murmured, eyes so glassy in moisture now, that my disarrayed reflection could be seen in them. "Don't apologise for s-something that wasn't your f-fault,"

As if of instinct, my pupils dilated in utter shock and disbelief over her words. "You- I- It wasn't my fault?! Are you really tryna' tell me it wasn't my fault?! Cath, it was anything, but not my fault!" I screamed out in disgust over my own self, her humanity making me want to dig a hovel into the ground and have myself buried inside it right away.

Warm, salty water lines tided their way down my cheeks without warning, as I felt both my hands aptly clutched into hers and shifted onto her lap. "Ni," She whispered, but my eyes were way too ashamed to look into hers.

"Niall look at me," She ordered, cupping a wet cheek of mine into her palm, as she adamantly held my face up. "I didn't call you here, so I could have you hate yourself, alright?" She shook my face in her palm, other hand gripping tighter onto both of mine and giving them an assuring squeeze.