Better Than Nothing: Part 3 of On the Edge Series

Chapter 2

The day ticked by slowly. Tim texted his address, but it felt curt. Bailing tempted me. It'd be easy to run again; I had so much practice. I gazed out the window of my hotel room to the gray winter sky, sipping tea and wondering how I became this person, afraid of everything. Of all things, I was terrified most of myself. I was stuck, and I didn't know where to go. I had pushed everyone I loved away. The curtness I earned. I didn't deserve a dinner.

My phone dinged, as if she could hear my thoughts from miles away.

"Come early; stop climbing your hotel room walls." Tess, ten years and she still knew me. And to prove it, my phone dinged again. "You're not intruding."

All the demons in my head screamed to say no, but the quiet voice of my heart typed a simple "thank you."

Ten years can change many things, but it didn't change the Denning house. It was still the welcoming birthday cake house, adorned with wreaths and garland for the holidays. It looked like it belonged on a greeting card. I lingered at the sight until the front door opened.

"Come in; it's freezing," Tess prodded with a broad smile stretching her cheeks.

My eyes fell on her as the pain of missing her flooded me.

"Hi, Tess," I quietly greeted as I neared.

"My God, aren't you a pathetic sight?" She laughed as she pulled me in for a hug.

"I deserve that," I agreed. "You look amazing, by the way."

"Oh, I know; this doesn't happen by accident." I was grateful for her humor, but it still made me feel guilty. "Now, get inside. I'll make tea. Make yourself at home." she nodded to the welcoming living room.

I shirked my coat and shoes off and floated to the warmth of the roaring fireplace. The entire home smelled like Tim's hug, sweet and cozy. Pictures of the life I missed adorned the mantel. Tim, Tess, and James mingled with Billy, Viv, Jackson, and Mary as though they were one family. The kids were growing taller with each passing image, but the smiles haunted my mind. They were the smiles that came from deep within you. Tears prick my eyes, but I didn't deserve to mourn the life I ran from; I gave it up.

"The boys have put on a few pounds," Tess teased as she entered, catching me studying the pictures.

I winced at the memory of my anger rearing at Tim with a flash comment on his weight; it was immature and rude. My eyes finally fell on the unavoidable, Billy. I wasn't sure if I'd have noticed the few extra pounds had Tess not pointed them out; they suited him. The added weight grounded his stature and made him look cozier than I recalled.

"Sit. I want to hear about you." Tess kept her voice friendly and natural.

"Why aren't you mad at me?" It spilled out as I turned around to face her.

Tess gave me the warm, sympathetic smile of a mother, a good mother. "Lil, me being mad at you won't change the past ten years and certainly won't make anyone feel better."

"Try telling that to Billy." I shouldn't have said it. It wasn't fair to Tess or Billy. I sighed as I tentatively perched on the couch and tried to begin again. "Tell me about you."

She let out a laugh. "You just saw me. Those pictures are my life." Her eyes met mine. "It's a happy one."

"It looks happy. How old is James now?"

"Sixteen and just like his father."

"Two Tims; can the world handle that?"

"The world? What about me? Do you remember how much Tim can eat? Even Mary has a hard time keeping up, and she raised five Collins boys!"