Better Than Nothing: Part 3 of On the Edge Series

Chapter 11

I awoke to the smell of coffee and bacon. Mary was clearly preparing for Tim's appetite. I slowly showered, thinking I had some time, given how late Tim and Tess had been at Billy's the previous night, but I was the last to arrive when I got downstairs.

"Billy," surprise filled my voice.

"It's my mom's house, Lily," he muttered before taking a swig of coffee.

"Oh good, you're up." Mary's voice was typically cheerful. "Boys, help me carry things to the dining room," she directed. Once the boys shuffled out with the food, she turned to me. The cheerfulness drained, and concern filled her face. "How are you? You got in late last night."

"Yeah, it wasn't great, but it wasn't terrible. I can't get a read on Billy, but we're just disconnected."

"Give him some time. He's trying to process. But he showed up this morning." She gave me a sympathetic smile as she spoke.

I gave her a tight smile and followed her to the dining room. Timmy, James, and Billy ate an impressive amount of food while I picked at my fruit salad. My hunger subsided as my mind dwelled on the disconnect that was spreading from Billy to everyone around me. I didn't belong anymore.

"You okay?" Tess quietly asked.

"Yeah," I absently responded. I shook my funk off before adding, "it's chilly, right? I'm going to get my sweater from the office." But really, I just needed a moment to reset.

The only thing worse than Billy avoiding me was him being so close and ignoring me. My eyes fell on my laptop as I pulled on my sweater. It tempted me to crack it open and check my email as a distraction, but I knew I shouldn't. I needed to stop avoiding things. My eyes lifted to the pile of Billy's albums. I shifted through them, pausing on each cover. With a sigh, I set them back and turned to the door. Billy could always fill a doorway.

"Hey," I shyly dropped my eyes. I broke his heart. Did I get to look at him?

"Hey," he shot back.

Silence filled the air between us as my body awkwardly twisted to a silent tune.

"No second 'hi'? I'm disappointed." There was a tease in his voice.

"I guess I'm good at disappointing you."

"Lil." He said Lil; my mind registered that he said Lil. "I'm sorry about your dad."

"I miss him." I shrugged as tears welled.

He hesitated and then took a step further into the room. "About what I said last night...."

I looked at him with tears clouding my eyes, hoping I didn't have to absorb another hit like the night prior.

"Come here." He took a step forward and held his arms out to me.

I didn't move. I didn't know what to do. Had I completely cracked? Was this a daydream? He couldn't be offering his arms to me after all I had done.

"Lil, I'm not going to bite." He took another step forward, so I was within his reach, and pulled me to him.

It wasn't soothing. It wasn't comforting. And it wasn't healing. In Billy Collins' arms, a surge of desire burned through me. It wasn't sweet or tender; it was raw. His embrace stirred emotions in me so starved that it hurt. I felt like the man singing in every one of Billy's songs. I pushed off to stop the throbbing.

"Billy," my words came in a rasp.

"Lily," he gazed at me for a moment before letting his forehead fall to mine. "I hate how this is, this life we created."