Better Than Nothing: Part 3 of On the Edge Series

Chapter 29

The sound of the shower woke me. My eyes stayed closed, and my body melted back to the warmth of the bed as I waited to hear the bang of a shampoo bottle tumbling to the shower floor, but instead, the shower cut off. I opened my eyes to find the serenity of the snow-covered lawn outside, wishing that bad juggling had started my morning but trying not to read too much into it.

"Hey," I said as Billy came out clad in only black jeans, still drying his hair with a towel.

"Hey, did I wake you?"

"No." I smiled as I propped myself on my knees, beckoning him to me. As he neared, I reached for the towel and shifted aside so he could sit on the corner of the bed as I continued to dry his hair for him. "Billy," I whispered to his hunched shoulders.

"Mmhmm."

"You know I love you, right?"

His neck instantly twisted so his eyes could snap at me. I had spent many moments of my life staring into his dark pools, but they still stole my breath when they flared with emotion. "Why would you ask that?"

"Because it's important to me that you know that I love you." I tried to strip my voice of an evident tone. "Even when we're disconnected, I still love you very much."

"You think we're disconnected?" His head slightly swayed back as the resignation of his feeling washed over him like a heavy wind.

"I do." I smiled briefly before kissing his forehead and drying his hair.

"I don't mean to be disconnected from you." His words came on the crest of a sigh.

"You have a lot on your mind with the kids, the tour, Sarah. And we still have a lot to work on; it's not always going to be malts and egg creams."

"And you, your dad..." he added. "We don't have your dad anymore."

"You can talk to me about my dad. It doesn't make me sad." I set the towel down and combed through his wiry hair with my fingers.

"I miss him. I have so many things I'd like to talk to him about; ask him about."

"I know; me too."

Billy lifted a hand to my wrist and pulled it down to him so I would follow. "I don't want you to feel like you're not a focus for me, like you're not as important as the kids, my career, or anything else."

"I don't feel that I'm not as important. Honestly, it's nice not to be the sole focus; it feels more sustainable." A small laugh slipped from my lips.

"What?" My chuckle pulled a smile to his lips.

"I'm just glad I'm not the entire problem for once. I'm not the only thing distracting you."

"Oh, you're not entirely off the hook. I'm very worried about telling Viv; that's on you."

"On me?" I teased back as I let my head fall to his chest.

"Mmhmm, maybe it's on both of us," he conceded.

"I enjoy being a part of your life," I sighed. The pressure of his focus diminished with his scattered thoughts.

"I know you love me. I know more now than I ever have."

I twisted, so I was straddling his lap. "How are you?" I brushed his hair from his face again.

"I'm good." His eyes met mine, and he quickly added, "I'm better than good. How are you?"

"No, Billy, don't do that. How are you?"

He looked at me for a moment, warring to keep up the shield before his shoulders rounded. "Tired, confused, scared, still a little lonely..." His list dropped off with a shake of his head.