Control | Loki

Stay The Same.

Chapter Eighteen

I stood on the helipad, wearing Bucky's jacket, something I grabbed spur in the moment of wanting to come up here, staring up at the sky, where barely any stars ever were visible, due to the light of the city. Snow fell, and I looked around at the few bright stars I could see, the moon nearly full, I let my hands fall into the pockets of the jacket, I felt an object and pulled it out, it was Buck's wallet, I smiled and opened it, to which I saw a picture of me, I bit my lip and sighed, it was one I believe that Steve had taken of me but I couldn't recognize if it was one I was thinking off, I wondered when they got it developed? I went to flip over the photo but saw it was folded inside, I reached in and slipped it out so I could see the back, and as I opened it, I saw it wasn't the one I was thinking of, it was one of us, I frowned, why did he fold it over so he wasn't visible, I turned it over and read something written on the back, One Day, one day what? I frowned and stared at him in the photo, he wasn't very happy, but looking at me he seemed happier, we looked at each other, I can't remember when this was or who took it, but he had it, I sometimes just never understood him, when I thought I did, I didn't. I sighed, put the photo back, and slipped it back into his pocket, pulling the leather jacket closer to me as I looked up again.

"That's where my jacket is." I heard Bucky speak and I turned to look at him, he wore a sweater, his arms wrapped around himself. "Why you up here alone?" He asked.

"I'm just thinking." I smiled and he stood next to me, I turned to look back at the sky as he stared at me for a moment before looking up.

"About?" he asked and I sighed looking at him.

"Everything," I mumbled, he looked at me once more, our eyes making eye contact, I stared at him and sighed, it had been a few days since my kiss with Steve, and genuinely I was very confused with myself, Loki seemed odd after the fight with his brother, and now, here I stood with Buck.

"Like?" He mumbled.

"I'm confused, and I think a bit overwhelmed," I whispered, and he looked down.

"Overwhelmed with?" He asked and I looked down.

"I've been worried about the missions that we'll have, and then worried about my personal life too, I... want more." I looked away from him completely.

"Like what?" He mumbled and I gulped, I didn't know what I should say, my life had been so scrambled, and I finally made my decision.

"I can't do this anymore." I slid his jacket off and he turned to me.

"What?"

"Bucky, I love you," I said and he stared at me. "But I do... I love you more than my best friend but I don't, but you are only my best friend, this sounds so confusing, and It is so low of me to friend zone you, but I can't, no I won't tarnish what friendship we have left, even if we don't have any left after this, and I do love you! But we- we are friends and even close-" I was cut off by him, his hands flying up to my face, pulling me to him, and crashing his lips onto mine, this majorly confused me, why was he kissing me when I just rejected his feelings? his lips pressed deeply, I made a hum and gave into kissing him, his hands coming closer and pulling me against him, my body coming flush against his, he licked along my lips and I now wanted away but before I could he pulled away, he looked at me and his eyes looked almost sad.

"I know," he whispered and I stared at him. "I know you love me, and I know you care way too much about what we have." He said as he ran his hand along my cheek. "I knew the moment you didn't tell me, and I know you're ready, but not with me." He mumbled, I knew what he was insinuating. "Y/N do you understand how much it hurts?" His eyes looked down, I have never seen him cry, ever, and a tear slipped down his face.