Midnight's memories | Eren x Reader

Chapter 23 | Guilty feeling

TRIGGER WARNING: talk about drug addiction. 

It's been about an hour since I left jean's apartment. Laying down in my bed I have my favorite PJs on and everything is nice and calm but I can't seem to sleep. I keep tossing and turning, but my mind won't stop thinking about Eren. and I kinda was starting to feel bad I should of just let him walk me home. I probably hurt his feelings. but he hurt mine? So why does it matter? maybe because I'm not that type of person, I'm not even sure anymore. Why am I talking to myself? I need to shut up and just go to sleep. 

Closing my eyes, I try to let my mind rest and think about something else.

Think about the rain, I love the rain, but I kissed Eren in the rain. Opening my eyes I realize this isn't gonna work. maybe I should talk to someone about it? Is Sasha up? Hearing the snoring coming from the other room, she's not up.

Jean maybe? Would I be crazy to go to jean's apartment at 2 am just to talk about Eren? Yes, I would, but who cares. The only thing is how do I make it seem like it's not all about Eren. the first aid kit! yes, that's perfect. rushing out of my bed I go into my bathroom to grab the first aid kit. okay, here I go. Making my way out my door. I walk over to jeans, just staring at it, am I really gonna do this, right now? What's wrong with me. I'm just gonna go home.

Turning around to face my door, I turn back around to jean's and knock. shit why did I do that, I was going home, I hope he doesn't answer, please don't answer. I say closing my eyes.

"y/n?" I hear coming from in front of me.

Holding up the first aid kit I open my eyes to see Jean shirtless with dark blue joggers on.

"Sorry I um, your eye, I need to fix it, if you don't mind.

Uh sure? Come in, I guess, Jean says as it looks like he just woke up.

"Sorry I know, it's late," I say going to sit on jean's couch. "It's alright" jean sits next to me and positions his self to face me.

Taking a better look at his eye there seemed to be a small cut on his eyelid with dry blood. taking my first aid kit I clean it up and give him a proper ice pack. "No more frozen vegetables," I say, handing him the ice pack. 

"Thanks can always count on you to bring a first aid kit at 2 am". Jean says with a small laugh.

If I'm being honest I didn't just come here to fix your eye.

"Oh really", jean said moving closer to me and position himself more up.

Yeah, I kinda wanted to talk about Eren.

"Oh" jean laying his back against the couch and crossing his arms, and looking up at the ceiling, he says "what about Eren".

I think I hurt his feeling. he wanted to walk me home and I just pushed him away. But he hurt me first so does it matter, am I the wrong one here?

No, he deserves it trust me.

No one deserves feeling hurt jean, that's not who I am, maybe I was just overreacting and I should just say sorry, and maybe it will change something.

Listen y/n, Eren's childhood has a lot to do with the way he acts now. although it's not an excuse for hurting you. his father went missing when he was little and his mom died not too long after. all he had was Mikasa and Armin, but he pushed them away.  Armin was the first to give up, Mikasa stood with him because Eren was all she had to. but she realized Eren wasn't gonna stop trying to push her away. So she decided to leave. Then that was it, Eren had no one. He went crazy. he didn't realize what he had until it was too late.