Lack Of Deceit {Completed}

Chapter 19

Jovan
^^^^^

"Byron, can we please talk?" I asked through the door. He locked his door and wouldn't speak to me. I've been knocking for the last 2 minutes. I sighed and sat down against the door.

"Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all of this. I shouldn't have accused you of doing the shit that you weren't doing. I'm definitely not perfect and I've failed you. We fight every other day and it's my fault. I'm not a good brother. Instead of comforting you from the traumatic shit you went through, I blamed it all on you. You're not to blame. I am. This is all my fault. You don't have to talk to me. I don't expect you to. You're my responsibility and I'll continue to try and do my best. But, I want you to know that I apologize." I said all that I needed to say. I really did need to own up to my shit.

He opened the door and my head fell hard on the floor.

"All this shit ain't just your fault." He finally said as he stood over me. I laughed, leaning up on the floor.

"You don't force me to do shit. I'm in control of my actions and what I do. Yeah, you picked the wrong fucking day to try it with me. But, you didn't put me in that car. I chose to be in that situation. I appreciate your apology 'cause that's all I wanted." Byron sat on the floor across from me.

"Okay, I'm glad you're talking to me again. I know I don't show it much but you're all I have. I didn't get stuck with you. I chose to take care of you and I'll continue to do so. If I didn't want to take care of you, I would've let you go into foster care. You're the best little brother I could ever have. I know I don't say it much or at all but I love you."

"Wow. I haven't heard you say those words to me in over a decade. I didn't even know you did love me. For real, for real." His voice sounded a little emotional.

"Byron, I want to work on our relationship. We need a better relationship. I don't wanna be going back and forth with you for the rest of our lives. Mama wouldn't want that. I wanna start off by saying, I want to know how you're feeling. I haven't been really considerate of your feelings and shit."

"I don't know. I'm just angry. I try to push it to the back of my head but I can't. I was really that stupid to hang out with 'friends' who would've left me to die. I'm upset with myself and I don't know what to do with that. I feel like no one bothered to even check up on me and that makes me feel even worse. It doesn't even matter because I shouldn't have been there and I put myself in this situation.'' he shook his head.

"Nigga, it does matter. All of this matters. Your feelings matter. I am also sorry about no caring about your feelings. It's been almost 2 months since you've been shot. You deserve to heal from all this shit. Do you want to talk to someone? Like a therapist?" I really wanted to help Byron. He was young and this shouldn't stick with him forever.

He was silent for a moment. He was thinking about what I suggested. I really hoped he would say yes. I'm not good with handling emotions and I never was. I can handle it to a certain degree but I don't know how to do much. It's overwhelming.

"Yeah. It might be easier to talk to someone who doesn't know me and won't judge." He shrugs and I nod.

"I'll try to find someone. And it ain't gonna be no white woman who don't know shit." I added.

"Alright," he laughed. "Oh, guess what?"

"Wassup?"

"I'm going to college. I'm gonna be a pediatrician and Vie is gonna help me." He smiled big.

I would have never thought Byron's lazy ass would ever want to go to college. I'm proud.

"Oh really. That's some cool shit." I dapped him up.

Ivena
^^^^^

"Vie, leave me the fuck alone." I watched as she opened my door. I didn't give a fuck about what she had to say anymore. She was up in my business and it was irritating.

"I'm not here to argue or be in your business, okay. I'm actually here to apologize. I should be minding my own shit. This had nothing to do with me. Your relationship is not my business and I'm gonna start staying out of it. I trust you and I think you can handle yourself. You should be able to have fun and live your life without me butting in." She just stood here apologized.

"Vieala, thank you for your apology. I appreciate it. I'm telling you right now, though. If you but in again, it's me and you in the ring." I joked and she laughed.

"Right, okay. I could still beat yo ass."

"A damn lie." I continued to laugh.

"I love yo big head.'' she smiled and left. I don't know why she thought she had to protect me. I could protect myself.

My phone starting to ring and showed my face as my daughter called me.

"Hey, babes." I smiled into the camera.

"Mommy! When I come back home, Can I-I- can we see Jovan?" She stuttered over her words a little. My baby was so cute.

"Yeah, baby. When we have Sunday dinner at GG's house, he'll be there.'' I told her and she smiled.

"Yay! Can he take me to the park after?"

"Maybe. But, I want you to have fun at your Grandma's house, okay?"

"Okay. I luh you." She had her face all up in the camera.

"I love you too, baby." I smiled and blew her kisses. She hung up on me mid-air kiss. Disrespectful.

I got comfy in my bed and watched Martin reruns. I wanted to watch some Queen Sugar but I couldn't watch it without Jovan. He was hooked and so was I. I think I was hooked to his love too.