Lack Of Deceit {Completed}

Chapter 24

Jovan
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"Are you mad or something? I asked Iva. She was quiet as she watched Amina play.

"No. I'm just annoyed."

"Why?" I pressed.

"Everyone thinks I want to have another baby. What if I didn't want to? If I don't want to have your baby and you do, I shouldn't be stopping you from that. But, I'm not gonna be pressured into having another baby. I didn't have a fun pregnancy with Mini. We've been dating for 6 months. We haven't even had sex yet. I do see a life with you but if I decide not to give you a baby, I don't want you to hold that over my head. I just need to figure a few things out." She spoke quickly.

"Iva, if you don't want to have another baby, then I'll still be here. I'm not going anywhere. If eventually, you do want a baby, then cool. If you don't, cool." I semi- lied. I obviously didn't want to pressure her but I did want a child. I see Amina as my child but to see someone with my biological DNA is different.

"What I tell you about lying to me? Try it with someone else but not me. Tell me how you really feel." She expressed.

"Okay, I do want a child. Not exactly right now but eventually. But, I'm not gonna leave you, regardless." I told the truth.

"And what are you gonna do if I don't give you a child?" She asked me seriously.

This was a real conversation that had to be had. Obviously, we weren't about to have a child but if we had to be on the same page about that before moving forward. It was not a deal-breaker for me but I would feel some type of way. This conversation could clear up possible future arguments.

"I mean, I know I can't be Amina's father because she had one, but I'd show her how a dad is supposed to love his daughter. I know pregnancy and taking care of a child isn't easy so I would pressure you into having another one. I just have that curiousity about what a child of mine with my DNA would look and act like. Especially, if their mother is you."

"I get that. But, would you treat that child different because their your blood and Amina is not? Subconsciously or consciously?"

"I don't think that's possible. I sometimes think Mini is mine and I have to remember my boundaries. I don't want her to grow up and think that I'm her dad. That's not fair to her father, considering the fact that the only reason he's not taking care of his daughter is because he passed."

"Hm, well I don't want anymore children." She finalized and crossed her arms. I furrowed my eyebrows at her.

"Iva-" I started but Amina ran up to us.

"Jovan, can you put me in the swing please?" She asked me with a teddy bear in her hand.

"Of course." I smiled. I picked her up and put her in the swing for little children and pushed her.

"Faster!" She said getting excited. I pushed harder and she went further up in the sky and started giggling like crazy.

I loved Amina with my heart. It was hard to love her without taking that father figure. I wasn't trying to replace her dad but she doesn't know what it is like to have a father figure in her life. I want to give her that.

I didn't think Iva would actually not want to have children. I thought we would talk about it and she's change her mind. I didn't want her to be dead set on having no more children.

I said it wasn't a deal-breaker but it did bother me. We needed to finish this conversation.

I spent a little more time playing with Amina. She started getting tired so we went back to Iva's apartment. I figured Byron was over there.