Penis Doodles On The Bathroom Walls Of Impermanence

Jeepney

Isa sa mga pangarap ko sa buhay ay ang makilala ang soulmate ko sa pampasaherong jeep.

Ayokong makilala ang Destiny ko sa dating site or app. That's a bad story.

"Daddy, saan po kayo nagkakilala ni mommy?"
"Oh, y'know? Sa isang app that was following an algorithm that matches people with mutual interests, are physically attracted to each other as registered in their system by swiping right, then paired us, and then we talked because were both desperate, and eventually fucked."
"Daddy, what's 'fucked'?"

It's just a bad story.

Ayoko rin sa classroom, sa workplace, or sa hometown.
That's not Destiny randomly guiding your steps towards true love. That's an option made available by proximity, accessibility, and necessity.

"Mahal kita kasi ikaw nasa malapit."
"Mahal kita kasi sa section na 'to, ikaw pinakamaganda."

There's no magic to it.
You're a fish in an aquarium and you can't relate to Air Supply's "Two Less Lonely People in the World."

But the jeepney, man, that shit should be a plot setting for a Joyce Bernal romcom. It's the perfect spot to stage that one random coincidental encounter as willed by the alignment of the stars that will change our lives forever.

Isipin mo yun, out of the many jeepneys that come and go, out of the many trips that jeep takes everyday, out of our differing commuting routines, she happens to be riding the one I'm on at that right time, spot, and circumstance.

All random, unplanned, but as Destiny has willed, she locks her eyes to mine and we both feel that weird electric spark we never thought is possible because we both think romcom movies are full of shit.

Pero, of course, we both shrug off those feelings kasi, it's the real life pa rin. You don't look at someone in the eyes at a Jeep, and then approach her, saying, "Hi, miss, naramdaman mo rin ba yung naramdaman ko?"

Just no.
So you act natural.
We sit next to each other and act natural.
She goes to her little headsets and gets on a sound trip; meanwhile, I look out the Jeepney's windows and imagine I'm in a music video.

We let ourselves be consumed by our own little worlds, having no idea at all that our worlds are about to change just because of that seating arrangement in the Jeep.

Ta's magbibilang ako ng barya, take P12, think about Jeepney modernization for a second, then reach out my arm saying to some guy ahead our seats, "Manong, bayad po, paki-abot," and the manong doesn't notice me.

But she hears me. She's wearing a headset and she hears my voice. Ain't Destiny grand? And she could tell just by my voice that I have a big dick, but, of course, she shakes this off.

Then she feels something in her, somewhere deep; probably butterflies fluttering their wings, but she tells herself, "gutom lang 'to." But seeing that the manong is still not attending to my request, she takes the initiative, and shouts, "Manong, bayad niya daw po, paki-abot." And naabot na ang pinapaabot ko.

I whisper my "Thank you" but she doesn't say anything.
She goes back to her headsets. I continued looking out the window and imagining I'm in a music video. She's still no one to me, and likewise, I'm still no one to her.

Then moments later, it's time na para bumaba siya sa jeep dahil hanggang do'n lang siya. Her one step out this little vehicle, is her exit out of my life too; a face, a voice, and a kind act that I'll probably forget soon. Then I'll look at her back as she gets out. And it's a pretty typical back, likod talaga siya.

And I think, "Ha, that's the last time I'll be seeing that kind stranger." But then I looked sa inupuan niya; and my gaze went down the floor directly nung inupuan niya; and I see a pink floral handkerchief. May panyo.

Sa kanya 'to, no doubt. Pink is traditionally girly, and she's a girl. I take it and run after her. For that moment I didn't care. Mahalaga ang panyo para sa mga babae, lalo na 'pag pawisin sila. Also, she was kind enough to shout at that manong para i-abot yung bayad ko, so what's wrong if bumaba ako sa jeep, miles away from my original destination, and risk being late to some adulting shit I have to attend to maihatid lang sa kanya yung panyo niya? Nothing's wrong with that at all.

I catch up to her sa isang mataong sidewalk, who I recognized only by her back, and kept calling at but failed because she can't hear me kasi nga may headset and also, I don't have her name. Out of breath and panting, I finally say to her with a tap on her shoulder, "Miss, miss teka." She turns to me, her hair does that slow-mo flip from shampoo commercials, then she takes off her headsets.

"Ikaw?" she says, "Ikaw yung nasa jeep 'di ba?"

I catch my breath and nods.
Inabot ko yung panyo, and say, "Naiwan mo."

She squints, stares at me intently, crosses her arms, and says, "Hindi ko panyo 'to."

My arms fall to my sides. I scratch my head.
I ask, "Sigurado ka?"

"Oo," she says. "Kilala ko mga panyo ko."

Then a pause.

"Para-paraan ka rin e noh?" She finally added while smirking, "Kunwari ka pang naiwan ko panyo ko para mahatid mo sa'kin, pero gusto mo lang talagang magkadahilan para masundan ako."

"Ang kapal ng muk'a mo a," I say annoyed at her, "Bumaba ako ng jeep kahit ang layo ko pa sa destinasyon ko para lang dito."

"E hindi ko nga panyo 'yan!" She shouts. Ang taray niya pala. "Anong gusto mong sabihin ko? 'Ooh Hala, thank you po a, kahit 'di naman akin 'to, thanks for the effort, ito nga po pala phone number ko.' Ganyan ba?"

"The audacity," I whisper to myself.
Before I could think of a reply, she takes out a pen and paper and gives me her phone number. She hands it to me. I look at it.

"I don't want this," I say to her.

"Tanggapin mo na. Alam kong ito gusto mo." She says smiling.

"Miss," I finally get frank with her, " 'di porket maganda ka, iisipin mo nang lahat ng lalaki ay hayok na hayok makuha ang number mo, nag-magandang loob lang ako dahil nag-magandang loob ka rin sa'kin."

She smiles even more, "Sige, kunwari naniniwala ako."

I say to myself, "Ang kapal talaga ng muk'a, sarap hampasin." But then I also say to myself, "Soulmates are usually your perfect match. If ganito ka-kapal ang muk'a niya, then she must be my perfect match knowing gaano rin ka-kapal ang muk'a ko." But I shake off the thought.

Then, I rip the paper where she wrote her phone number. It's a show of force. It's a slap to the proud.

She raised her eyebrows at that.
Her ego is humiliated. I know because I'd feel the same thing.
And she probably thinks, "Wow. The audacity," without her  knowing that I memorized her phone number.

3 years later, yung panyong hindi pala sa kanya, is now wrapped around her eyes as a blindfold as she's handcuffed in bed.

Now that's a nice story.
Random chance encounter, just Destiny doing her thing.
Kaya pangarap ko talaga ay ang makilala ang soulmate ko sa pampasaherong jeep.

Kung 'di papalarin sa comments section na lang.