Penis Doodles On The Bathroom Walls Of Impermanence

Job Interview

Cut the bullshit. H'wag na 'yang ligaw-ligaw na 'yan. Antagal ng hintayan, napaka-matrabaho, tapos ang bobo pa ng standards mo. Consistent lang siya sa "Kumain ka na?" for three weeks, you think he's the one na? Bullshit.

I suggest something better.

Hingan mo lang ng usual requirements 'pag mag-a-apply. There's the bio-data at resumé, syempre, complete na 'to with skills and talent, educational attainment, at—dahil looks matter—his ID and whole body picture; then siguro ask for height and weight, if you're particular with that shit; and maybe police and NBI clearance, to give you any past history of misconduct; at syempre, past work experience, and by that I meant mga naging ex niya, detailing wether he was fired or resigned from the job, and then the Why's?

Then check those records. If hindi pasado, send him a letter of rejection. By God, this is basic human decency. It saves the dude from the heartbreak of ghosting—a common tactic kasi duwag kayong manakit ng lalaki 'cause you think you're all holy angels, so instead na magpaliwanag aalis na lang. No, send me a rejection letter. I want my failure to be printed on paper para pwede kong mapunit sa galit or pang-linis sa dumi ng pusa ko.

If pumasa naman, you can get him to a job interview, either online or offline. No, no, fuck the dance of getting-to-know-each-other full of faked personalities and playing-safe questioning, that could last for upto years.

Get him on a chair, cross-examine the guy for 5 hours, then judge him with those usual job interview questions. If you ask him those, you can know a lot about him.

Sa, "Assuming you get the job, where do you see yourself 5 years from now?" pa lang, you could get a dozen of possible answers na, which all could be a sign of his personality. There's those who will answer with the cliché "Breakfast in bed" spiel, or those who'll be simple pero impactful and say, "It's hard to predict my future, pero sana nandoon ka." I'd probably answer that.

Or siguro, I'd probably answer,  "Hmm... Five years from now..." I then close my eyes, "I see me, crying. I also see you crying, but in an airport. Nag-away kasi tayo, at sa tampo mo, gusto mong umuwi sa inyo. Relationships are not perfect, y'know? Especially if it's 5 years na. I'm honest to admit that. But I'm also honest to say that, I'd probably run in the pouring rain, rush towards the bustle of a busy airport, and chase after your flight, preparing a really heartfelt speech showing you my repentance, like I'm some romcom character. I'll lose you, many times probably because it's always a trial-and-error, but, I'm damn sure I'll keep trying to have you back. And maybe we'll make it. I wish. I hope." I then open my eyes, look at you again, then say, "Ganun. That's how I'd probably love you."

Or siguro din, I'll just answer, "Uhmm... Five years from now? I'm probably pouring chocolate syrup over your naked body."

The point is, with such simple questions requiring honest exposition of oneself, you could really tell a lot about a guy. Which just goes to prove my point na maganda talaga 'pag job interview na lang.

Hiring ka ba?