Selfish Habits

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:(

                        
Tubbo

      Scared, sad, and lonely.

      That was how I felt when Dream had a knife to my throat, drawing blood from my neck as a simple threat. I remembered wondering if my life was really worth that little.

      I couldn't understand how I felt lonely, of all things. Tommy was literally right in front of me, pleading for Dream to let me go, and I had everyone else back home; all of my friends. How in the world was I feeling lonely?

      I started to wonder about it in such a situation.

      With a sword to my throat and the threat of death, I stood there and wondered.

      Maybe I felt lonely because I knew I was going to die, no matter what.

      Maybe it was because I couldn't do anything to stop the inevitable.

      Maybe, somehow, I was feeling lonely because I was alone.

      I was alone, in the grand scheme of things.

      Not physically alone, of course, but alone in a different sense that would be hard to explain.

      I was lonely in the sense that I'd been abandoned as a baby and grew up with a family that wasn't my own.

      I was lonely in the sense that I never truly felt included in whatever I would get involuntarily dragged into.

      I was lonely in the sense that I never really used to be able to make my own decisions because nobody ever let me.

      In the perspective of it all, I was alone.

      I didn't really like that feeling; the knowledge of how truly lonely I was.

      It was a selfish thing for me to think, really.

      It was a selfish thing for me to end it all with my own hands.

                        
Total Word Count: 290

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