Only a Game (Olympus Drive Chronicles)

Chapter 24: Camping (a reaction) (not clickbait) (viewer discretion advised)

Teddy

So I did realize that this is an unconventional sort of competition. I got that. I really did. But, honestly, my expectations were still not this low. I was, truly, expecting to be helicoptered on out of here, or whatever, and deposited in my nice safe hotel room with my nice cell phone which undoubtedly has fifteen missed calls from my mummy. I was counting on that.

I don't know if you had guessed based off of everything I've said or done since this little adventure began, but I am not what is common referred to as 'athletic'. The most adventurous place I've slept is Chem 1 with my head on a rolled up sweatshirt after having pulled an all nighter. And that only lasted ten minutes because my classmates are snitches.

So, on to reactions:

You might not know this based off of how often people in movies just flop down on the ground and call it a day, but the ground is hard. Like. Very hard. And there are rocks and things you wouldn't expect poking places on you that wouldn't expect.

But Teddy! You say: Aren't you dead tired? Haven't you walked more than you have in the past year? Aren't you so tired you could sleep just about anywhere?

The answer, dear reader, is no. Apparently not. CLEARLY no, I could not sleep just about anywhere. Specifically I cannot sleep on the hard ground with my equally hard and lumpy backpack behind my head. The backpack is far less comfortable than you would suppose. It's all lumpy and bumpy and it hurts my head and neck. Is this what camping is all about? I'm quite pleased I sobbed and refused when my father suggested such a thing. It's absurd.

Haven't we as a society progressed past this? I understand natural selection must occur. Possibly we should start at camping stores. If they like it outside that much, they can stay there. We agree as a society not to let them back indoors ever. To be fair, we'll toss protein bars, and carabiners, and water proof things, out of windows now and then to let the campers forage off the street. That's honestly where we need to go. Or, or get them psychological help. That too. I mean, maybe they aren't actually aware that hotel rooms are thing.

Maybe they don't know, you know, but I think we need to tell them. Because as somebody who is well acquainted with his parents cast off sleep number mattress let me tell you this--this—is ridiculous and honestly we need to go and talk with the campers. Maybe I'll just stand in front of a camping store, whatever the fuck they call themselves campers-warehouse or some shit, and I'll hand out pamphlets explaining the benefits of beds and air conditioning. If I were equipped for manual labor that is something I would do but as it is, I may have to hire someone to do it. But that'll be okay, you know, maybe I'll hire an ex-camper. You know like religious people to do convert people except I'll actually be telling them something they need to know.

"Can't sleep?"

"Nope," I sit up with relief.

"Me either," Ariadne says, head on her knees, "Maybe we should take turns keeping watch."

"Watch for what?"

"I don't know---I mean there are other people in here," she says, fidgeting a little. And I may be a guy. But I am a mamma's boy. It only takes me about ten seconds to realize that it would be uncomfortable for a woman to just sleep out in the open with strangers potentially wandering around. To be honest, I too should be worried I am small and gangly like, but let's face it I'm still in way less danger than a girl.

"Yeah, good idea. I'll go first I'm not tired anyway," I say.

"Okay. Wake me if you hear anything."

"Yeah."

But she doesn't move.

"What did your mom used to do, when you were little and couldn't sleep?" she asks, head still on her knees.

"She'd say something like 'don't cry, Teddy, why don't you play on your Nintendo for another hour then?'"

"What?" Ariadne laughs, "No wonder you're a gamer."

"She worked nights---at a call center from home like—for a while when I was really little. I think she liked the company like—I mean my father would already be in bed so it'd be her and me and I'd get my game and sit with her quietly while she worked. More often than not I'd fall asleep listening to her voice. That was when I was too little for school—or summer break or whatever. If I was in school it'd be a half an hour—and if I was really upset or sick she'd just pull me out of school she didn't care," I say, shrugging.

"That's sweet," she says, smiling a bit, "I want to be that kind of mom someday."

"A cool mum?" I ask.

She nods.

"My mum is. She wants to keep me safe is all---she's a bit on the protective side. Like you said it's no wonder I'm a gamer, she'd always sooner have me do that than be outside rough-housing where I could 'get hurt' and I wasn't coordinated so I never had bikes or anything—and she never let me stay over at other people's houses or anything like that not if she wasn't there----when I was tiny, cause my dad wasn't my dad like---and my mum used to surf like a lot like really well and all so there were always pictures of that---she used to joke mermaids brought me. I believed it when I was little, she said the mermaids gave me to her since they didn't know what to do as I had legs."

"That's cute," she says, smiling, "I'll probably tell my kids a slenderman brought them though. Have to get 'em friendly with the occult early."

"Please don't. I was not popular in school," I laugh, "Like that story did not go well with my more worldly peers, it did not."

"I bet you're a great swimmer then? If your mom used to do that," she says, frowning.

"I never learned---my mum said she wasn't about to let me anywhere near the ocean. She always said she saw too many people drown or get bitten by sharks. But I don't think that's true---I think she just didn't want me being anything like my biological father," I admit, "Cause he's a surfer as well—was---well I suppose still is last time I googled him."

"Was he mean to her?"

"I guess—she only talks about him so I know who he is---she's fair like that, she wouldn't speak ill of him," I say, "I don't think my mum has a mean bone in her body."