trepidation | h.s

part thirty two

Lydia Styles

I'm fucking scared and I can't sleep.

I haven't slept for three nights. That's how long it's been since Angie's murder and it's been two nights since the Phantoms broke in.

I don't want to sleep because I'm terrified that something will happen to us in our sleep. I'm on high alert, and I have been since all of that happened.

Harry doesn't sleep either. If I'm awake, he's awake.

All I've managed to do is sneak in a few naps, same with Harry...but they don't last for longer than an hour.

The day after the break in, we all knew something had to be done about Teddy.

It was heartbreaking to think that this innocent dog was apart of something so dark and he didn't even know it.

We're all too attached to just let him go...even Harry.

I caught Harry that morning petting him and rubbing his stomach with a remorseful look on his face.

As much as Harry claims that Teddy annoys him, he's still family to him. And Harry values family more than anything.

Harry, Niall and I took Teddy to the vet. We had the chip removed and destroyed. The doctor was obviously curious but didn't ask questions, which was good.

It was hard to watch, knowing Teddy didn't know what was going on. He was just trying to protect us that day.

That brings us to today, where it feels like everything has shifted.

Harry has spent the last three days looking for apartments and houses, and he's finally found one.

It's a modest house, with three bedrooms and neighbors. We haven't had neighbors in forever, being so isolated in that cabin.

Honestly, a house was more ideal than an apartment. We had a baby, so we'd need the space.

We've been packing up our stuff all day.

I can't believe that we're actually leaving the cabin—a place that has become so sentimental to all of us...but we can't stay here anymore. It's not safe.

Louis and Eliza have moved back into her apartment, temporarily of course, until they can find a whole new one. The Phantoms know where Eliza's apartment is, but hopefully they'll still think we're all in the cabin.

Same for Niall. He got an apartment in a building just down the street from Harry and I. He's taking Teddy with him.

I don't like this. It's not our normal. I like it when we're all together...but right now that's not an option.

Maybe someday it will be again.

Daisy is in my arms as Harry uses the keys to unlock the doors to our new home. This house is under an alias that Harry used—for our own safety purposes, obviously.

There's what feels like a million bags that we need to bring inside but right now we just need to take a look around.

I step inside, seeing how empty the space was apart from couches and basic furniture. Luckily the place was furnished, because if not, we'd have to buy all new items.

It's a nice house, but it doesn't feel like a home.

I'm not getting that excited feeling of starting a new chapter. It's bittersweet. Mostly bitter.

There's a big set of windows with a door that leads to the backyard.

With Daisy still in my arms, I step over to the windows to look out at the yard. It's big. The whole house is big—Harry has the money for that. There's a deck with a hot tub, and a cobblestone pathway that's surrounded by lush grass.