trepidation | h.s

part forty one

Lydia Styles

Two weeks later...

"You're making me nervous." I say, my vision blocked off while all I can feel is the vibration of the car and Harry's hand on my thigh.

Giving my leg a squeeze, Harry chuckles. "You're completely safe with me, baby. Now relax and trust your husband."

Thirty minutes ago, he told me he needed to show me something and got me and Daisy into the car. The next thing I knew, he was tying a scarf over my eyes so I couldn't see anything. I was anxious, having my vision taken away but he kept his hand on my leg to soothe me. I knew it was only him, and deep down I was aware that I was safe...it's just the idea of being blinded that strikes my nerves.

He told me specifically that I can't see where we're going until we get there. I have no idea what he's up to.

I officially moved back in with Harry two weeks ago, and these past fourteen days for us have just been about laying low.

After our fight, I did make him sleep downstairs on the couch but I ended up going down there and cuddling in next to him in the early hours of the morning. We fought because we're both so scared and that fear manifested into misdirected anger.

It's so nice being back home with him.

It's been two weeks and nothing has happened. Harry and the guys meet and work almost everyday to set some sort of plan in stone, while still being nervous that the Phantoms will strike any day.

That's the scariest part of all of this...they know when all of this happens, we don't.

I think the guys are getting close to something, though. Harry's sounded more hopeful over the past week and it sounds like they've maybe worked something out.

Still, I haven't felt real peace in a long time and I don't think I will until all of this is over.

We have things coming up, things I want to be able to enjoy without fear.

Elijah's second birthday is in about a week, while Daisy's birthday is in under 2 months.

We need to be here for her birthday.

Over the past two weeks, I've been feeling different. I can't put my finger on the specific feeling, but I think I can amount it all to anxiety—the nausea, my change in appetite, my mood.

Anxiety is a huge factor in all of these bodily changes. I think knowing that the date the Phantoms have planned is approaching closer is really taking a toll on me.

I really hope we beat this. We have to beat this.

Later today, I have plans with Eliza that I had to convince Harry to let me see through. We just wanna stop for coffee at a safe and local shop right by my parents' place.

He said no. He told me it's too risky to let me go out alone...to which I responded saying I won't be alone, I'll be with Eliza. That only earned a head tilt and the narrowing of his eyes in reply.

It took me a solid hour of convincing him to let me go, following him around the house as he cooked breakfast and cleaned. Eventually, we settled on a compromise—I can go if I keep my location on the whole time and if I so much as miss a text or call from him, he's coming to the shop to get me.

He was harsh about these guidelines, but I know it's because he's scared.

I want to be able to go out with my friend for coffee, that shouldn't be something I'm scared to do.