Pistanthrophobia

Thankyou

I can’t breathe...choking, gasping, crying. He won’t let go, clawing, kicking, biting. His strength is impossible. I can’t breathe, I need air. I’m gonna die, but I wanna die. Not like this...not by him. Please don’t let me die. His smile...his taunting sickening smile that I used to love to look at. Never trust anyone again. 

He switched personalities so quickly. It was like his sweet side was never even their. I can’t breathe...the tears are running out. I wanna scream, but I can’t. I lost my voice, I feel dead. He won't let me go…

Eyes finally closing...darkness, darkness, please let me out. What did I do? Why did this happen? Why me? Unanswered questions while dying. I thought he loved, I loved him. It was fake, all a joke, a scam to do the unthinkable to me...me. 

Eyes closed...one breath left….he let go. 

Why

Did

He

Let

….Go

To tortue me

Gasping, gasping, I want to die. Coughing, hacking, no air in my lungs. Eyes fluttering , blurry vision, depression, Why didn’t he let me die? Smirking face, evil eyes

“It’s not that easy,” he whispered.

Today was one of those days...the days where you just wanna lay in bed and not move, so I did. I just stared at the ceiling, unthinking,unmoving,unmotivated. I don’t think I want to die anymore after so many failed attempts, but I feel as though if I were to try again this would be the attempt that actually killed me. Mainly because god is giving up on me. 

I don't want him to give up on me yet. I think I want to live...I think I want to give Kaiden a chance, b-but I’m scared- scared he’s like him. At first he looks like me...broken, but the more you look you see the locked away evil side that’s dying to get out. Which Is what I’m sure happened a few days ago. 

Jay tried getting me up, but I wouldn’t budge. He attempted calling my name, shaking me, touching me, calling the others, but at this point every voice was just blended and faded into the background. I heard what they were saying, but I didn’t understand. There was just a ringing noise.

I know they are worried and scared, I want to move, but I can't. It's impossible. If I move I die, if I breathe I die, if I talk, listen, think, I fucking die. Mentally anyways. Physically I would be fine, but mentally my mind needs this break. Laying in bed all day is depressing and unhealthy, usually thoughts are running. 

But I suppress them, I suppress the bad thoughts,and the silence of my mind keeps me still.

Time skip////

Kaiden’s POV

“Kaiden please”

His voice was pleading...a tone I understand way too much. They’ve been asking me to snap Saire out of his state. I repeatedly said no, because I doubt he would want to see me like that. Just like I didn’t want him to see me slip.

“Just do it...he won’t listen to us”

“ay Dios mío” (oh my god)

“Yeah whatever that means”

“¿Qué te hace pensar que querrá verme?” (what makes you think he’ll want to see me?)

“Nosotros ... solo hazlo”(we...just do it)

“maldito idiota….fine” (fucking idiot)

Reese laughed

“W-what did he say” Jackson asked

“nada bebe” (nothing baby)

Time skip////

I walked into Jay’s room to see it was empty besides the red hair sticking out from under the blanket. His nose was covered by the blanket while his eyes stared up at the ceiling. He didn’t move when he heard the door open or close, he didn’t even breathe.

I walked over to him and just stared for a minute...I’m sure he felt my stare, but couldn’t understand it. I’ve been like this before, but I on the other hand had no one to help me out of it.

I crawled on top of him and straddled his waist...still no movement. I leaned over and put my face over his. He blinked out of it for a second, before going right back. I placed my hand on his cheek and he flinched, but kept his gaze on the ceiling. I stared directly into his now confused eyes and rubbed his cheek.

“Saire…”

He ackknowledged my presence but not fully out of it

“Yeah hey...I know you hear me. Can you come back?”

No response…

“Try a nickname” 

I hadn't noticed Reese was in the room until he said it. Dreading it I still used a nickname

“Kitten” I whispered

“Come back to me kitten...come smile for me and let me run my fingers through your fluffy red hair.

Where the fuck are these thoughts coming from? I side eyed reese still keeping my focus on saire seeing that he didn’t look shocked whatsoever. ‘Soft spot’ he mouthed. Soft spot my ass we don’t even like each other.

When the sweet technique didn't work I put my right hand loosely around his neck and my left hand tugged at his hair. I saw Reese smirking from the corner of my eye, but didn't comment on it. 

Saire gasped and looked directly into my eyes….

Silence…hand still around neck...body still straddling

“Thankyou” he whispered 

///////////////////////////

Author's  note: sorry for my slight absence lovelies mothers day weekend was a little busy