Pistanthrophobia

memories

Kaiden’s POV

I texted the house group chat telling everyone that saire finally slipped into the headspace we all knew he had. They didn’t realize it until I mentioned it. Looking closer you can easily tell he was missing something, something that needed to be a part of him. I could tell because my friend Miranda had a cousin who had a headspace. 

I sometimes went with her to help take care of him since he didn’t have a mommy dom. She told me he was in the MDLB. Mommy dom and little boy, but was an introvert and too shy to find himself a mommy dom. A while ago he surprisingly literally bumped into one. I have my fair share of training with it. She said “you never know you might need it someday”. 

And she was right. Nun of the boys had an interest in being a daddy dom. Said it wasn’t for them. I had a slight interest in it and made my interest into reality. I’m no expert on it. I'm sure to make mistakes, but I do know Saire can be a perfect little boy. But he needs to unlock that part of his mind. Meaning unlocking some terrible memories with it…

I’m not sure of his little age. I have a feeling it ranges from 5-7 meaning no diapers, pacifiers, and such like Miranda's cousin. I’m both a dominant and a sub. When in my sub side I’m bratty and stubborn, and when in my dominant side I’m...very dominant especially in the sexual parts. 

I’m use to have a sub, my past girlfriends were my subs. Just recently figuring out that I was gay doesn’t really help the fact of becoming a daddy dom to a boy.  Saire fell asleep in his headspace meaning when he wakes up he should be out of it...also meaning we have to talk

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Saire’s POV

Flashback/nightmare

(his age changed overtime, and reminder sam is a unstable sick bastard TW for raping in headspace. I don't believe there’s anything wrong with it. I know it’s done  But what I’m about to do is completely different and it is forced so skip if uncomfortable.)

“So this thing you have” he started “is a headspace or whatever the hell you just said to me?”

He’s been on my back about it ever since he caught me with a pacifier in my mouth. I tried to play it off like I had found it and was stupid enough to put it in my mouth, but when he forced me to say something it was over. I didn’t want to tell him I was a little, because of the sick things I thought he would do to me.

I’ve also been a hyper and childlike person naturally, so when headspace came into play everything was natural. I’ve had multiple daddy doms, but they were all temporary. I’ve never had a permanent one seeing as my annoyingness drove them away. But my friends who knew about my headspace told me if they were meant for me they would appreciate my hyperness, and I agreed with them

“Uh yeah...I guess”

I already explained it to him multiple times, and he still didn’t seem to get it. Everytime I told it his smile just grew wider which unnerved me to the max

“Go to it” he said

“Huh”

“Go to it” he repeated but this time harder

“I-I-I can’t j-just go to it it d-doesn’t work like t-that” I lied

“Your lying” he said 

“N-no I’m not w-why would I lie to y-you?”

“You stutter when you lie” he scowled at me

I flinched when he raised his hand to hit me and he laughed

“You wanna beating?”

I shook my head

“Thought so now go to it”

I was only 1-3 in this headspace not understanding the questions coming out of his mouth. I heard him perfectly….but I just didn’t understand. He didn’t seem to get that because he smacked me so hard I flew to the ground and hit my head on the kitchen floor. 

I instantly started crying from the pain. My little self still not realizing the danger did uppy arms towards him.

He smiled “oou I like this you better”

I didn’t respond, just eyed the pacifier that was sitting on the table. He sat on the couch with me on his lap, and when I tried to move he pushed me back. Not wanting to get hit again I leaned against him and closed my eyes not bothering to clean the red liquid sliding down the side of my face

I jumped up when I felt a large hand slide down my boxers. I asked him what he was doing, and he responded with ‘touching you of course’. I furrowed my eyebrows obviously not understanding what he meant nor the feeling. no one has ever touched me during my headspace.

 It’s not that I didn’t like it, but it felt wrong with him. I tried to squirm, forgetting my position on him. I didn’t realize I was crying until they dropped down my face and onto my shirt creating a wetness. The salty tears were mixed with the blood leaking down my face. I gave up fighting him and let him do as he pleased, not really knowing what else to do. 

He stopped moving his hand and removed me from his lap. I was relieved, but looked at him confused seeing that he was looking at his shirt…

His blood stained white shirt---

“You little-”

“I-I sowwy” I interrupted and he slapped me, making me fall off the couch.

“Don’t fucking interrupt me bitch!”

 I didn’t understand why he kept hitting me so I just cried not knowing what I did wrong. He kicked me when I started crying, and I curled into a ball. Wanting nothing more than to get away from him. I felt myself slipping out of my head from all the pain.

When I came back I remember seeing a fist flying towards my face, pain, then darkness

Flashback/nightmare over

I woke up breathing heavily and confused...I don’t remember that. Did that actually happen? I tensed when I felt arms wrap around me, but relaxed when kaiden’s smell entered my nose. 

“You okay”

“Mhm” I responded

“Are you lying?”

His tone was soft yet demanding making me want to spill every little thing to him--

“M-mhm”

He didn’t say anything, just ran his fingers up and down my stomach. While I was against him, completely forgetting about the feeling I felt last night.

“We need to talk”

And just like that my body tensed and I remembered.

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Authors note: mmmmmmmmmm this chapter's not giving what it's suppose to give but I'm gonna post it anyway cuz i mean mmmm why not