Pistanthrophobia

Exhausted

Tw: breakdown

Kaiden's POV

Anger...Anger...Anger is all I fucking felt. I wanted to punch someone or something...I wanted to throw hits until I couldn't feel my hands anymore. I wanted to be running on adrenaline so high to the point I could ruin my whole body and not feel a thing. I wanted to see someone hurting as much as I was. I snapped at everyone and everything that got in my way in the slightest

I can't even count how many times I've snapped at all the guys in the house. I even made Ryan cry. I'm not even sorry. It's come to the point I just locked myself in my room so I wouldn't hit or yell at anyone else. Not only that, but im tired of the looks of worry I receive...don't fucking worry about me--- I'm fine

When I say it I mean it. I don't need to cry I need to punch my way out of this shit so everyone that's been telling me to let it out in an emotional way can shut the fuck up. I do feel bad...I do wanna fix this, but i'm in the fuck you, fuck me, and fuck that mood.

I haven't eaten in I don't know how many days. I honestly can't...everything I look at I see the image of him being on that stretcher...dead

Not breathing...not killing people...not thinking about me just unbreathing and unmoving. WHY THE FUCK ISN'T IT ME!!! I'm waiting god I'm waiting. You take my mom? You take my dad? What's next my fucking friends? My fucking lovers? NO! When is it me

I'm tired of losing everyone I care about....fuck this shit man---

Reese's POV

H-he...everyone is worried...hurting. He won't talk to anyone just continuously saying he's fine, but we know...we know he isn't. He's covering his sadness with anger. His face when Richard's name popped up on the scream was heartbreaking. He was quick to cover it..but we saw it.

We saw the hurt...the tears wanting to slip past his eyes. We saw his sadness morph into pure anger and we couldn't do shit about it. He yelled at all of us and even made Ryan cry. Not because of what he said, but because he wont talk to us. I get it. He thinks he needs to distance himself, that's it's not a big deal blah blah

Fuck that...his father just died, and on the outisde you would think he doesn't give a shit about his dad but we all know they loved each other in their own way. We miss him...

"Umm" Ryan whispered

I looked at him so he could continue

"W-why don't we send someone up to his room to talk to him...plan A would be to hold him down until he breaks...and B would Be to use sexual action, it's worked with most of us."

I thought for a moment before I nodded at him....

"Good idea..."

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Justin's POV

Reese chose me to be the one to help Kaiden...I don't know why I feel as if Him, Micheal, or Gabriel would be better for this. I'm strong, yes, but I feel like Kaiden could beat my ass with no problem. I guess the others were busy with something else....fucking

I walked upstairs to his room and knocked on the door.

No answer

Knock again

No answer

I sighed and just opened the door to his room he instantly looked towards the door from his bed and glared at me.

"Get the fuck out...when someone doesn't answer when you knock it means they don't want to be bothered"

"No"

"What?"

"I said no"

"AND I SAID GE-"

"Kaiden shut the fuck up"

He looked shocked...and stopped talking for a minute before replying with

"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THING YOUR TALK-

I didn't let him finish before pinning him down to the mattress. He scowled at me and tried to kick his legs.

"Get.off.of.me"

I didn't say anything, just looked him dead into his glaring eyes...telling him it was okay with my eyes. He looked like he was avoiding it for a while, still kicking and trying to fling his arms away from my tight grip.

"GET OFF ME!" his voice cracked towards the end

I held my grip steady even when his movements faltered and he started running out of energy...

"Please..." he whispered

I didn't respond, just loosened my grip. He started kicking again, but not for escape from pain....

"HE'S DEAD" he screamed

"HE'S DEAD HES DEAD HES DEAD HES DEEADD!" he finally sobbed out

He looked up at me with tears streaming down his face and walls completely falling down

"WHY DOES EVERYONE LEAVE ME" he wailed

"IT HURTS JUSTIN IT FUCKING HURTS! MY HEART..." he gasped "H-HURTS..."

He was coughing and sobbing...screaming.

"W-why did he leave me..."

Kaiden's POV

"Please" I whispered about to break, so...so close to breaking

He didn't respond to me, just kept his gaze on me and loosened his grip...and that's when I broke.

"HE'S DEAD" I screamed

"HE'S DEAD HE'S DEAD HE'S DEAD HE'S DEEAAD!" I sobbed

I was kicking...and screaming...flinging my arms. I didn't know what I wanted, I just didn't want to feel the pain.

"WHY DOES EVERYONE LEAVE ME!" I wailed

"IT HURTS JUSTIN IT HURTS SO FUCKING MUCH!"

The pain was unreal...it was more mental than physical, but it still felt like I was being stabbed repeatedly knowing I difdn;t only lose my mother but my father too. Parentless...

"W-why did he leave me...I-It h-hurts" I sniffed "I don't wanna do it anymore...:"

"I know baby...." he whispered

He crawled off of me and layed down before pulling me into his arms...I curled into a ball still dropping tears realizing I needed this--

"It's okay..." he said

And I fell asleep like that..in Justin's arms. Exhausted--

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Authors Note: sad....i know make sure to comment what you thing