Bruises, Bruises, cuts and bruises, bleeding, aching, and ripped clothes. Punching trees, punching walls, kicking bushes, kicking rocks. Adrenaline pumping...pain not felt...knuckles bruised and bleeding...mental pain hurting more than the physical.
Thoughts to kill….not only myself, but others. The urge to cry, and scream at the world, and myself. Blaming myself ‘if I went with him he wouldn’t have died’. Suicidal thoughts...maybe it could have been me...it could be me.
Slipping...slipping I feel myself slipping. I’m not fighting it, I let it happen. Losing control of my body, getting pushed to the back of my mind. Wandering...wandering
I miss my dad
Flashback
I’m not okay...I mean I--- no i’m not okay at all. My facade is crashing and it’s crashing hard. I’m sitting in the living room with everyone and the news comes on. I see the name ‘Richard black’ and shooting. I see a picture of him and clips of paramedics rolling someone in a black body bag. I see yellow tape reading caution. I see pedestrians being nosy, I see the mouth of the news reporter moving, I see the sky getting cloudy, I see officers running around, but the only thing I can focus on is that person in a black body bag with paramedics around him.
I can’t breathe...it hurts...oh god it hurts. My chest i-it feels tight and restricted, my legs and arms won’t move, my eyes won’t blink. H-he’s dead...my father is fucking dead.
I take big gasps of air trying to breathe, but it just hurts everything hurts. My body is trembling, but unmoving.
He’s dead
He’s dead
He’s dead
Oh god my mom is dead too...w-why is everyone dying.
“I c-c-can’t breathe” I gasp out
I feel arms touching me, and voices speaking, but I can only focus on one thought and one thought only. I was trying so hard not to cry...to cry over the man that ruined my life...to cry over the man that once hit me and my mother, but the man that I also loved.
So I didn't, instead I made myself angry…..
Flashback over
I remember walking some more, ending up at a police station, receiving a letter and sympathy looks. I shoved the note into my pocket and walked. When I looked up I was outside of Damien and Gabby's house. I knocked on the door not questioning why I brought myself here. Miranda opened the door and her arms when she saw me. I fell right into her arms
“Esta bien bebe” (it’s okay babe)
“Nosotras estamos aquí para ti” (we’re here for you papi) gabby said
I didn’t notice, but everyone was here, and I was pulled into the house now in a group hug with my best friends
“el no ha llorado” (he hasn’t cried)
I heard Jose whisper to miranda
“si, el esta enojado” (yeah, he’s angry) damien responded
“Nosotras tenemos que dejarlo ser” (We have to let it be)
I was thankful miranda knew what stuff to leave alone and what to meddle in…
Time skip
I stayed at Damien's house that night. Mostly staying quiet unless needed. I could tell they were worried, but didn’t say anything...just hugged me while I showed slight vulnerability. I tried not to be angry with them, but I just lashed out more than half the time without meaning to. I hugged them and apologized before leaving back home.
When I opened the door I was in a death trap with Ryan and Jackson clinging to me. I would have smiled if- yeah. I didn’t want to hurt them, so I just grabbed them and placed them off of me. Their hurt faces made me want to just break down, but I didn’t. I didn’t speak to any of the boys staring at me, just made my way upstairs and into my room.
Reese and Gabriel followed me obviously planning on getting me to open up.
“Kaiden…”
“What”
Reese clenched his Jaw before speaking again
“It’s okay…”
I rolled my eyes while Gabriel walked towards me. I subconsciously stepped back sleeping my eyes on Reese.
“Talk to us baby”
Gabriel whispered when he got close enough
“NO FUCK OFF IM FUCKING FINE LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE YOU FUCKERS”
Reese frowned and gabriel muttered “way to overuse the word fuck”
“GET OUT I DON’T NEED YOU!” I yelled
“THEN WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY” Reese yelled right back
“I’M NOT NOW GO!”
They hesitated before actually leaving my room...i’m perfectly fucking fine. I took the note out my back pocket without looking at it, and placed it on my dresser before heading to the shower.
Authors note: I brought his friends back...which you guys most likely don't remember lmao I barely remember them. Get ready for angry depressed kaiden. I actually dislike this chapter, but had to post something
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Pistanthrophobia
RomanceSequel to perdoname Saire...the bubbly freckled trusting red head, or that's who he used to be. Now he's closed off depressed and suicidal after his past broke him and his happy heart into a million pieces. He meets the loves of his life the ones wh...
