Inner Monologues

Affection

A few years ago I had the strongest feelings for a boy, I've never felt before and it was so magical.

Like, I barely knew him and he barely knew me, but it was something totally different and it felt so good.

We never talked much, but these little conversations we had, meant everything to me and everyday I've fallen more and more in love with him, but I never told him.

One day I realized, he will never read my poetry about him, even though I tried my best to show him these - he never did - and I was completely lost, because he was my everything.

He was my inspiration for everything I've done, my inspiration to write and my inspiration to wake up every morning and start the day with good vibes.

He always made me the happiest girl on earth, without even trying, he just had to write me a word and I was the happiest.

And then I realized it: everything was gone, my inspiration, my happiness, he was gone.

I was in a deep phase, I couldn't write a single word and I wasn't even eating for days, because I felt so empty and lost.

I pushed everyone away from me for weeks.

As soon as I started to think positive again and don't be controlled by a boy, I was this happy girl again.

I wrote so many phrases about him.

He is still a part of my heart, he always will and that's okay.

He showed me what love can do with a human being, even though you aren't with this person you insanely fallen in love with.

I'm still thinking about him.

I will never forget him, those feelings back there were just too strong to be forgotten.

I wouldn't say I still love him, it's not exactly love, it's more like an affection I feel for him and I'm totally fine within!

He found his happiness in someone and I'm so happy for him.

I'm really happy, seeing him so insanely in love with her, it makes my heart happy.