Inner Monologues

Healing

I have no idea why I'm writing a letter for you, you never wrote me one, so why am I doing it?
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I loved you with all my heart, with every inch of my body and you? I can say you loved me too, but that wasn't enough.

We broke one another, I have no idea how and when, but we did.

Now I'm here, writing these phrases and you don't give a damn about me anymore and I thought we would be forever.

Forever is a hard word, you shouldn't say this word ever again, you are such a liar.

I need to admit you made me a liar too, I always said the things you wanted to hear and it was okay for me - in the first place.

My friends always asked me how I'm doing and how things go with you, I always lied and said everything is fine, we are happy, but no we weren't.

You made me this way and I hate you for this, but I also love you for making me a better person, a better version of me.

I've learned to love myself for who I am, before I can love someone else.

I've learned how I handle pain and to not trust people in the first place.

Maybe this isn't a better version of me, but I'm without you, so it is.

I hate myself for still loving you, even though you have someone new and seems happy, it still breaks my heart to see you with her instead of me.

It's okay, because I'm happy too, I'm in a relationship with myself and I never felt this good.

I wish, maybe one day, that you are breaking out of my head and heart and let me live my life how I deserve it.

Until then.. I'm still writing phrases about you.