TRUST

Chapter Fifteen

They sat together, Can's arms wrapped around Sanem, both crying, both speechless. He could feel Sanem trying to move closer to him so he moved back a little on the dock and pulled her to sit between his legs. He wrapped his legs and arms around her as tight as possible without hurting her. He felt her move her head to rest on his chest, her head placed where she could feel his heart beat. He knew that she was waiting on him, needing to hear what he had to say.  But, he wasn't sure he was capable of speaking so he just held her until he could.

"Sanem, if it had not been for Leyla and Emre getting married, we would have been married that day. We would have been the ones that went through all the pain that was caused. We both witnessed how upset your Anne was. How angry you Baba was at Leyla. He was not only angry but hurt. I couldn't put you through that, I couldn't make your Baba mad at you. I couldn't hurt him like that."

She looked up and smiled at him, just a little smile but still a smile "Your Anne, on the other hand, she couldn't believe that Leyla would run off like that." He laughed "I walked into the kitchen, she thought she was alone and she was talking to herself."

"Family trait" replied Sanem. He laughed again.

"She said, "Ah, Leyla, you are my leveled headed child, you don't do anything without a plan. I could see Sanem doing this but you, you have surprised me." He laughed again, she laughed with him "I knew then, that I couldn't do that to them again, we couldn't do that. So I told you we should slow things down. But, you changed after that, no matter what I said it seemed you were mad at me. That is why I agreed to do the marriage list for Leyla and Emre. I figured we would do it together and then when it was our turn, we would just dance right through it. We would know what to expect and that maybe it would make things right between us." He stopped and Sanem tilted her head to look up at him. "But, you were stepping away from me and the more steps you took, the closer you got to Yigit. Evet, I know for you it was about your book , but for me, you were spending more time with him, time that should have been mine."

He stopped again, his voice lowered "Then we did the wedding shoot and things just seemed to fall apart. You thought I was backing out of the marriage and I thought you were, it seems we didn't know what to say to each other. Part of our problem is that we never take the time to talk and tell the other how we are feeling."

He spoke again, this time with a stronger voice "When I introduced you to Umar Bey, it was so you could see your options, so you could learn the facts about publishing a book. He came to me when I was first becoming known as a photographer and asked if he could publish a book of my photos. I was awed that someone would want to do that but I had no clue as to how things were done or why. He walked me through everything, explained each step of the process, let me be part of what was going on. I didn't see Yigit doing that for you and I wanted you to know what to expect. And, Evet, I wanted to give you a second option if things didn't work out with Yigit. It had nothing to do with me controlling you or what you did. Sanem, I was so proud of you, I just wanted the whole experience to be as good for you as it had been for me."

He sat silent for a few moments "Sanem, I didn't trust Yigit. I did  trust you but you like me were new to this business and I just didn't see him doing for you what Umar Bey did for me. I checked out the American company and it was a legit business but something in the back of my mind still didn't trust Yigit. And he watched, he knew that we, both of us were doubting the other. He used that to wedge us apart. He would say things not to me but when I was around and you weren't, that made it sound as if you two were getting closer in your relationship. I know he said things about me, I walked up a time or two when he was saying things. You just didn't catch on to his meaning." he hugged her "I never, not once, doubted your writing abilities. I would do anything to make your dreams come true"

She hugged him back, not wanting to let go, not wanting to hear the rest but knowing his next words would be the part about the hut. "When you brought me your journal to read, after you left, Huma started nagging me, what does she want, she is just using your name to get her book published. I was so tired of her negative comments, no matter how many times I told her to stop she just kept it up. So I packed a bag and went to the mountain hut. It was late when I arrived so I waited to start reading. The next morning was a little chilly so I started a fire and pulled a chair up close. It took me a while to read through a few chapters, my anger at what Emre and Aileen did to you got the best of me. I continued to read, but soon I needed to walk and take it all in, what I had read, how everyone seemed to use or belittle you, it was destroying me knowing that I treated you just as bad when you tried to explain."

He stopped and it seemed she was holding her breath "When I came back Yigit was standing there, when I looked, I saw your journal in the fire, I ran over and pulled it out, Yigit, for some reason,  kept looking behind him, then finally he started yelling at me, why did I throw your journal in the fire, why would I do something like that to someone I loved. When I stood he pushed me and I pushed back, harder then I should have but I was mad that he was blaming me for burning your journal and then I heard you say my name, seen the way you looked at me. I couldn't explain what happened, I wasn't sure myself, I just knew I hadn't burned your journal."  He could hear Sanem crying softly "When I finally thought about what had happened, after Huma came to us, I needed to talk to you, we had just promised each other to listen and to take the other's hand but at the first sign of trouble, you pushed me away."   She was crying hard now "I didn't tell you what I read when you asked because I needed you to trust that I had read it. Then when I asked if you thought I would do those things and you didn't answer, I had nothing left, no reason to be there, so, I walked away."

"As soon as I was out at sea, I questioned myself, why hadn't I stay, why didn't I fight but I had my answer, the one thought that kept coming into my mind, was that you chose Yigit, a man you knew a few weeks over the man you were suppose to love and marry. When Emre  called and told me about the lies and tricks that Huma and Yigit were playing, I turned the boat around immediately, it didn't matter if you loved me I loved you and I was going to make sure you were ok."

Now they were both crying again, no words, no sounds from either one, just, both knowing, that   now they could now start to heal.