ANGEL IN THE DARK

#59 - Jenlisa Diary

Jenlisa Diary
Day....

To talk about affection, I have been always questioning, how a total strange person can love a person that much? Like the affection from a fan to his/her idol.

How?

How did we start giving all of our attention for someone and how did we want to spend the rest of our live with someone?

How?

She.

How did the love and the affection start?

How did all the magical feeling in the chest appear?

And I have been thinking about her all the time.

Is she thinking about me?

I miss her. Even though she ignores me. I just want to be around. Seeing her and do nothing, or working together, purely just work.

Watching her, seeing her, working with her kinda a blessing. Her face when she focuses, her parting lips, her cute nose, her big brown eyes and long eyelash, pinky cheeks, hair in the ear, long neck, a small mole be the collarbone, slender fingers typing on the laptop, her eyes when she looks at me.

She smells like chocolate, rain, forest, wood, coffee, lavender and whisky. It's strange. Or I am?

I miss her already. Always.

Today I supposed to have a museum date with her. But she called and informed that she had an urgent meeting with a client and she wouldn't come. So I went to the museum anyway, alone. And locking myself in a corner of a coffee shop by the museum. Wishing she is here.

Maybe I should call, and ask if I can help.
Or maybe I shouldn't.

The harder I try to be close to her, the colder she acts. And it could weaken any strong heart by thinking about the constant rejection. I am just talking about myself.

Day....

She has flight back to California this morning. She is gone.

Day...

It's been three days that I haven't met her yet.

Day...

It's more than a week already. I cried the other night. She might not come back.

Lucas called me. He had to take a three-hour bus to go the telephone bot to make a phone call since the ashram he is living doesn't have phones or internet. He told me that I'm going too fast and I haven't thought of her and her feeling.

Do I really understand all the pain, all the cause of her insecurities? Have I been on her shoes?

Am I selfish when I push too much and ignore all of her feelings?

Have I even asked her and tried to talk about it?

Lisa, I miss you. Please come back.

Day....

It's been more than two weeks. They said that she hasn't had plan to come back to Europe yet. I'm left alone here, in her office, taking care of clients and partners.

The feeling of losing someone we love the most, we need the most, we appreciate the most.

Does she love me? Does she need me?