You once told me that you'd never break my heart and I foolishly believed you. Part of me feels that despite making that promise you knew you were going to.
Your exit wasn't what hurt me, I knew long ago that I wouldn't get to keep you, what hurt the most was that I thought you loved and respected me enough to let me know when you wanted to go. You knew you were going to leave months ago.
I spotted cowardice in you early on but I thought I'd be spared. I should have known you were going to hurt me. I guess part of me did.
I look back and think about what I did wrong, sure I wasn't perfect but our downfall was not my fault.
I ask myself if you were lying when you said I wasn't hard to love. Even if you never told me a lie, you told quite a few to yourself.
Oh my friends there is no greater pain than falling in and out of love with a coward. Someone who is so afraid to hurt that they tell unintentional lies.
I did all I could. I was flexible, patient, understanding, and supportive of every move you chose to make to better yourself. I gave you the absolute best of me. I should have known that wasn't enough. Furthermore, I should have known that you didn't want me to fight for you. You didn't want me in your life as bad as you led me to believe.
I can't bring myself to feel anything when your name comes up. I am emotionally exhausted from the tears I shed over happy memories. I am tired of mourning you.
There will never not be a space in my heart for you. Your space in my garden will remain yours. Untouched. Eternally protected by love.
However, you will feel the weight of my absence. And that I will remain because with you comes pain.
I will not let you back in just so you can break my heart again.
I cannot trust someone who could have spared me from heartbreak and chose not to
