When I started writing publicly on this app some years ago, I was searching for a way to communicate with someone without confrontation. I wanted them to know how I felt but I didn't want to tell them. They were the only person reading my stories at the time, and I thought that it would remain that way.
Only recently did I develop a "following", when I first started writing on here I didn't care for follows or votes or anything like that . I've noticed that most, if not all, of you stumbled upon my account for one reason: you thought I was someone else. I won't pass judgement and frankly don't care why you decided to start reading my work, the fact is, you're reading it. You have access to my mind and have read through my feelings and life experiences. You all have a part of my identity that no one else in my life has. You have my emotions at your fingertips, my life on display, and my vulnerabilities open to your interpretation.
What does that mean for me?
I get a lot of questions about love and happiness, and while those questions aren't unwelcome, the pressure to give "good" advice can be quite overwhelming. My experiences with love are jaded and I know nothing about what happiness is or what it looks like. Some of the questions you all ask are questions that I often ask myself, questions that I have no clue how to answer. I am no expert on anything and it's odd having people looking at me for answers. So many of your are anxious to hear what I have to say but I'm not to sure what I have to say has any weight or substance. There are so many different interpretations and sidebars about my feelings, and that alone makes it all the more difficult to continue simply because the point is often missed, But, as a creator of content that is being widely digested it is only natural to be misunderstood. Alas, I digress.
My real life experiences are put on display and I understand that was a choice that I made, but I want you all to understand that it wasn't for some profound reason. A lot of you are looking for guidance; you want to know how to get through a break up or you want to know if you should fight for the love of your life, maybe you need help understanding why you aren't happy, or maybe you are just looking for someone else who understands.
I am human. I make mistakes, I hurt people, I get hurt, I love, I lust, I struggle, I get over it. I get angry, I get sad, I get spiteful. I lie, I burn bridges, I can be stubborn and petty. My perspective is not one to be adopted or shared or romanticized. I'm afraid that my advice will bring you pain, I'm afraid that I'll lead you astray, I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing and I don't know how to be okay with that.
I often get asked how I do "it", as if there is a secret to my writing. There is no secret. All I have to offer is myself, raw and unrefined. I'm no expert on life and have nothing to teach. My stories are simply just stories and I admit that life is a phenomena I will probably never understand. No one has it all figured out, and I'm certainly not someone to be taking notes from. If you wish you find guidance, if you're looking answers, you should start by listening to yourselves. You know more about life than you think you do.
