Emery [bxb]

87

"We have nothing in common, babe..." My girlfriend is breaking up with me, which is really bad for my ego.

"We both like sex," I counter.

"I can't sit through a game. I don't like your shows or sports or running or beer or Reddit or medicine. Plus, I heard through the grapevine that you and Emery are..." Horror flits over her face as though she can't even put it into words. Another dimwit freaking out about my unconventional friendship with Emery. At this point, I want to break up with her more than she does with me, but I must save face.

"Do I look gay to you?! I'm a football player."

"Yeah, 'cause there's nothing straighter than a bunch of hot, sweaty men tackling each other, showering together, jerking each other off, doubling up and tag-teaming girls because they can't even get hard without another guy in the bed. All those times you've been 'hanging out' with Emery, what've you-"

"Um, are you on crack? Em and I aren't like that."

"Lies. You're a liar. We're over."

I'm pretty frustrated when I get home, and I certainly won't be getting any for the foreseeable future, so as soon as I see Em, I fist my hand in his hair and use gentle pressure to bring him down to his knees. He sets to work in earnest. "Ugh, I trained you so well..."