𝚒𝚕𝚢𝚜𝚖 ♡ {𝙰𝚜𝚑 𝚇 𝙴𝚒𝚓𝚒 𝙾𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚝𝚜}

One of those days

Today was one of those days when Ash wasn't feeling the best. On these days he was kept awake at night by his thoughts telling him awful things that nobody would want to hear.

'You killed your best friend. You're a horrible person.'

'Eiji doesn't love you. He only says that because he feels bad for you.'

'How could he love you anyway? You're just a good for nothing wh0re and a fucking murderer. Eiji is too good for you and you know it.'

Ash tried and tried to block it out. Unfortunately, that didn't work. The thoughts just grew louder and louder. The thoughts were now as loud as a concert. An awful band playing in his brain. An awful band playing an awful tune. Everything was just awful. He was just awful.

The words "murderer" and "heartless" were the only words could hear at that point. Just repeating over and over. This awful song was stuck on loop.

Ash honestly felt like he was dying. His whole body was shaking, and his heart was pumping so hard he thought it was going to burst out of his chest. He could even feel his heart pound in his head. The tears streamed quickly down his now red and splotchy face. People always said he was attractive but at the moment, he couldn't feel uglier. He continued to sob and gasp out for air, totally forgetting about how his favorite thing in life was right next to him, sound asleep.

The boy next to him slowly lifted his head and turned to Ash, wiping the sleep out of his eyes at the same time.

Ash felt even worse now. He woke Eiji up late at night because of something that isn't Eiji's fault.

Ash looked at him but quickly broke eye contact and turned his attention to his shakey hands.

"Ash.."

Eiji's voice was packed with concern and that broke Ash's heart even more. Eiji shouldn't be worried about someone like him. He didn't deserve this care.

"Hey.. can you look at me?",

Ash didn't say anything and continued to cry. Trying to be quieter, but his effort wasn't really effective.

"Please?", Eiji added, with that same concern in his voice.

He couldn't take it anymore. Eiji spoke so softly to him like he was precious. He knew he couldn't say no to Eiji. Eiji was his ultimate weakness. He turned around and looked at him, and Eiji looked so worried. Ash didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve for someone to look at him like that. Let alone someone like Eiji.

"Can I touch you?", Eiji asked. In that soft, comforting voice he often used just for Ash.

Ash thought about it for a second. Eiji would comfort him. He knew he would because he always did when he got like this. He felt like he didnt deserve that comfort but he wanted it so bad at the moment. He tried to say yes but he couldn't form any words, so he just nodded his head.

Eiji tried to wipe the tears away from Ash's splotchy face but the tears kept rolling down.

Eiji then pulled Ash into a hug. Ash still continuing to cry in Eiji's embrace. Eiji traced small circles on Ash's back. Eiji would do this everytime Ash got like this. And oh, Ash loved it so much. Ash usually hated being touched, even by people he was close, like his gang members, but with Eiji it was different. Eiji's touch was so calming and gentle.

Eiji continued to gently rub his back while Ash cried. Eiji's heart was breaking. Ash went through so much. He didn't deserve to feel so bad.

After a while Ash stopped crying and his breath was slowly going back to it's normal pace.

"I'm so sorry.." Ash whispered.

"You have no reason to be sorry. You know that, right?"

Ash wanted to protest and say that he woke him up because he was acting like a little crybaby but he was to tired to say anything.

"I love you.", Eiji whispered and then planted a soft kiss on his forehead.

"Why?", Ash asked.

"Huh?"

"I just don't understand how you could love me. I- I killed people.. you know that", Ash added, his voice still a bit shakey.

"Ash, I love you for so many things. You protected me many times, you're funny and sweet when you're not having to be serious all the time. And yes, you did kill people, but you had to. You'd be dead if you didn't.

Ash still didn't really get why Eiji loved him but he was too tired to question it, and he almost felt like he believed it. It was about 5am and now he just wanted to sleep.

"..alright.. well, I love you too. Can we sleep now?", he muttered, almost falling asleep in Eiji's arms.

"Yeah"

They both lied back down, Eiji's arms wrapped around Ash's waist. After a few minutes, Eiji spoke up again.

"I love you"

And this time, Ash believed it. He could tell by the way Eiji said it that he was speaking nothing but the truth.

"I love you too", Ash repeated, in that same tone Eiji used for him.

The end~ ♡

(BSJSJS HEY BESTIES IT'S BEEN A WHILE.. I HOPE U DON'T HATE ME FOR NOT UPDATING IN FOREVER SBSJSJ ANYWAYS I'M PRETTY PROUD OF THIS ONESHOT SO I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE IT!! MAKE SURE TO DRINK AND EAT IF U HAVEN'T YET! ILY ALL TY FOR BEING THE BEST <3! HAVE A GREAT DAY/NIGHT!! ♡♡)