Be la mia Stella (Be my Star)

Chapter 5

  It's hard to wait around for something that you know might never happen. But it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you want.
- theqoutesmaster.com

Dili pa panahon, maghulat ko sa puhon kung kanus-a pwede na tang duha.
- TJ Monterde (Puhon)

Puhon
- a bisaya word of soon/someday.

Chapter 5: Puhon

Time flies so fast, and now college is waving. A year and months had past yet I'm still inlove with him. In those past months I did all I can to stop these feelings yet he became one of my inspiration in continuing my study instead. When I was about to finish my study in my Grade 11 year, I heard the song Puhon by TJ Monterde. I got so attached and hooked with it. Kasi parang yung kantang yun para sa akin. Lahat ng lyrics natamaan ako. Even TJ's other songs are about waiting and reaching someone.

There are times na akala ko unti-unti ng mawawala yung nararamdaman ko sa kanya. For example, nung nalaman ko kung kailan yung birthday niya, I got so dissapointed in myself kasi nagkagusto na naman ako sa taong mas bata sa akin ng more than 2 months, I know parang O.A pakinggan but nasaktan talaga ako.

Nung nalaman ko na INC pala siya, dun ako mas lalong nanlumo. Kasi he's an INC tapos ako Catholic. Its not that I'm blaming the religion that we have, I'm blaming myself kasi mas lalong nadadagdagan ang barrier namin.

He's rich, I'm poor. He's popular, I'm not. He lives in Luzon, while I'm here in Mindanao. I know him but he doesn't know me.

There's a big possibility na hindi kami magkakaintindihan. We have different views and beliefs. It's so sad I'm in a situation like this. I really thought that those few things that I learnt about him will become the reason na mawawala na iyong nararamdaman ko but it's not.

It's definitely not. Those times na I tried to forget him were all a waste. 

Yung pag-leave ko sa groups? 

Yung pag-unfollow ko? 

Yung pagdelete ko sa pictures niya? 

Yung pagpigil ko sa sarili ko na isipan siya? 

Were all wasted. Kasi pag may spare time, naiisip ko pa rin siya. And at the end of the day, I would still end up stalking him, following his accounts and joining his fan-groups again.

Kasi kahit anong pigil at deny ko, iyong puso ko? Naghihintay pa rin na mapansin niya. 

Even how hard and painful it is to wait, I will wait. Because deep down, I know that my very self still believes in that Puhon. That puhon na pwede na. Na okay na. Na wala na iyong mga barriers and possibilities.

And somehow this pity heart of mine, will be patiently and painfully waiting for that puhon.

***********

One sunny day, while I am viewing his myday a message popped out that made my heart beats fast. In short, that made me nervous.

*ting

  
"Joe, diba magka-college kana? Why don't you study here in Manila? Paaralin kita, kawawa ako dito, walang kasama.🙁" a message from my Tita in Manila na hindi na nag-asawa.

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